As children of God, if we could all be transparent, there is always something that we withhold from God. We may not like to admit it. But I believe that God takes us in uncomfortable spaces to reveal what has replaced him. Unfortunately, the very things we love so much are hard to give to God. Could it be out of fear? Could it be because you're not ready? Could it be that you don't trust him nor have faith? We know that because he is God, at times, he will ask us to do things that won't make sense, that will cost you everything you love, even if it is the only thing you have. But would you abort his command due to your uncertainty? Would you rather be disobedient because you can't see the full picture? What has God asked you to give to him that you are having a hard time surrendering?
In Part I, I begin to share my testimony, and how God changed my perspective once I truly gave what I withheld from him. And I chose this specific space, in my personal life, to talk about out of obedience to God because it was simply my strongest one. I pray that you be blessed and know that you are not alone.
Testimony:
I am a die-hard Michael Jackson fan. For quite some time, in the process of growing in my relationship with God, I had been feeling a huge tug on my heart that left my spirit uneasy, to the point where I needed to seek God for wisdom and discernment because I did not understand it, I knew that God had no problem with me being a fan, but I wanted to go deeper about those feelings. Whenever I would watch or listen to him, afterwards and sometimes during I would feel uneasy again. Now, I'm not just any fan. (or should I say basic) I'm a Moonwalker. (Moonwalkers is the name of his fan club, for those who are not aware!) and so I guess you can call that a Michael Jackson Enthusiast (lol), where I find enjoyment in doing research about his life and successful music career, downloading unreleased songs and finding new concert footage that I haven't seen before, there is a lot to that man that keeps me constantly excited. As a singer/songwriter myself, I take notes. He's just my favorite artist, ever. But while all of that is great, there is still an uneasy feeling on the inside and as we all know, God's timing is perfect.
So, one day, in my quiet time with the Lord, I mentioned to him about those feelings, and it was then the Lord brought to my attention that those feelings were an indication that he was prompting me to give Michael Jackson to him. Me, convicted, mentally did but my heart didn't. So guess what that sounds like? Yep. You guess it. I withheld Michael Jackson from God. Realizing that I had subconsciously made that decision, I proceeded in what I wanted to do, only prolonging what I really wanted. I wanted to really feel God, feel his love, security, and just simply his presence. But whenever I would spend time, it always felt like something was blocking in the middle of trying to be intimate. It was then, I knew what the problem was. Until finally, I surrender. I invited God openly into every space of my life, even the areas I felt I had maybe closed out from him. When I opened myself to him, I decided to truly take a break from Michael Jackson. IN FAITH.
The reason why I said "In Faith" is because I did not think it was possible. I immediately had thoughts of failure. But if you are paying attention, notice how I said "I did not think it was possible" Could that be an indication that I had a stronghold? Could that mean that I was not really ready to let that go because I loved it so much? Due to my uncertainty as to how God was going to deal with it, I was afraid. I had these "false" results in mind that I assumed would come true. I thought God would remove Michael from my life, I would be hard on myself, trying to remove it as if I had enough power to do so, still going around the shocking true that I really cared about that portion of my life and how it would end up.
But God.... During my break, I read a devotional about Idolatry, and he was talking about different types of Idols. When I came across the "Physical Idol", he said something that immediately gave me confirmation on my spirit. He says.....
"What kind of posters do you have in your bedroom? It is not wrong to celebrate the accomplishments of others. You may really like a certain sports star or entertainer—and that is not necessarily wrong. However, has your mind become filled with their abilities more than it is focused on God?" - (David Peach) (whatchristianswanttoknow.com)
When I read that, I begin to pray, and he told me, "Daughter, My problem is not with you being a fan, my problem is that you have filled yourself up with his abilities, talents, and gifts that has been distracting you from me. How can I fill you with my love when someone else has filled that space in your heart? Someone else's gifts have captured most of your attention." Jesus! I would not have known any of that if I did not take that break. And if we are not careful, we could be deceived in believing that it is okay, not paying attention to our intake. It amazing what happens when you surrender, because when you do, God may now tell you what he thinks verses how you thought, because you simply were obedient to him.
I realized that the abilities Michael Jackson was gifted with became the reason for my strong attachment to him. I admired everything that caused my heart to only see that. It was as if I could not see pass his abilities, that I somehow was lost into them. But through that, I learned balance, to know when to turn it on and off. I learned to not be so hard on myself about anything, but trust in Jesus, and accept that I will always be a huge Michael Jackson fan and that I can't take away what I believe is there for a reason. God knew that was my guy, before I knew that was my guy. (lol) How much intake of him is what's more important. It can't be more intake of him and less of Jesus. Point being is that, God knew I would like the certain things I like and love what I love, and that's okay to say that, but boundaries are very necessary. One of the others things the Holy Spirit said was... "Don't be so hard on yourself, but check yourself."
If that person or thing easily consumes and distracts you from God, and you know it? You gotta check yourself. If you have to physically snap your finger and say, "HEY! Watch it." to get ahold of yourself, do that. We bind that Spirit of Idolatry.
So as of today, I begin to check myself, to guard my heart, to not allow anything to distract me from my Father, to ask the Holy Spirit to alert me if I get carried away, always be aware of my intake, and to always trust God with every aspect of my life, for by faith, we know that he is always at work.
What have you filled yourself up with that you did not realize it was rooting on the inside of your heart? That it distracted you from God? I pray against the spirit of Idolatry, for we will not allow any person nor thing to take root in place of God. For God, we know that you're a Jealous God, and we honor your sincere love for us and desiring to have more of us.
Always remember, God does not have a problem with who your favorite entertainer is, what kind of sports, cars, makeup, whatever you may love or like, he just wants you to be careful into not allowing it to take root into your heart that will cause that person or thing to be placed before him.
Prayer: Father, I pray that we are through competing with you with other gods in our lives. I pray that we submit our hearts over to you, and to step out on faith on the things that seems impossible to do, for we know that it is impossible to please you without faith. Help us God, to trust you as you work within us, we repent corporately. You're God alone. Our sweet Alpha and Omega. Thank you for the wisdom. Thank you for the Holy Spirit that you instilled in us, to help guide and lead us, to help teach us, to correct us in our wrongdoings, and even reveal deep roots that you desire to get your hands on. Thank you Jesus for Salvation. For we know that because you have overcome the world, we will take heart, trust that we are healed, and believe that because of you, God accepts us into his kingdom. I speak freedom from Idolatry.
In Jesus Name' Amen.
"You must not have any other god but me. You must not make for yourself an idol of any kind or an image of anything in the heavens or on the earth or in the sea. You must not bow down to them or worship them, for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God who will not tolerate your affection for any other gods. I lay the sins of the parents upon their children; the entire family is affected—even children in the third and fourth generations of those who reject me. But I lavish unfailing love for a thousand generations on those who love me and obey my commands."
Exodus 20:3-6 NLT
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