Discerning Friendships

 As followers of Christ, God teaches us how to be sensitive to who we surround ourselves with. The importance of discerning every single person that walks into our lives and trusting that he will make it plain about what role that person will play is relevant in such a time as this. Believe it or not, God does not always reveal what that person was meant for in that season, in his timing, of course he will. But as you continue to grow, you'll start to see what God has been wanting you to learn and watch out for. There are some people we have been calling close, that God says you're far from being. God knows who is for you, and who really doesn't have your best interest at heart. One of the hardest decisions to make is removing those whom God has instructed you to, especially if they're the closest to you. Or so you say. Who you least expect is who God is tugging on your heart to pay attention to, it may hurt you, you probably won't understand, but trust that God will remove, renew, and restore. He knows the timing of when he will place the right people in your life. Let's start discerning.

There are some important things you should know.

1. As you continue to grow in Christ, there are some people that just won't be in acceptance to it, believe it or not. It's sad, but extremely accurate. but we must remind ourselves that the world hated Jesus Christ, and as we keep being bold for him the world will eventually hate us too because it hated him first. | John 15:18 | Some friends will keep a distance from you unexpectedly, you may question out of curiosity, but don't let it become such a burden on you. Don't drive yourself crazy with those "what am I doing?" thoughts, its not you, it's God doing what is best for you. So if people randomly disappear in your life, don't instantly think you're the one to blame. 

Honey, it's Christ living within you. Be grateful for who God is protecting you from. Those friends who you use to have so much fun with has died on you ever since Christ step into your life. That is why it starts to feel awkward, conversations are brief, and the moment seems dry because there simply isn't much to talk about when your mind is open to the heart of Christ, and the others are still having big fun in the world. He's changed you and sometimes it is hard for the individual to come to terms with the "new" you. They miss the worldly you, and living for God just isn't cutting it for them. Don't be hurt, rejoice. God wants you to learn how to discern whether it is a true friendship or not, he knows the answer, he's just teaching you to know the difference. He won't fool you and definitely is not going to let you fool yourself. 

Some friends won't understand your decision to live for Christ, but don't let them dictate how you should live because they are not your savior. We must stop living to please our friends, our only goal is to please Christ. You don't need people's approval to do the will of your Father. | Galatians 1:10 | 

2. Close friends are only tricky to discern when you're not in tuned with the spirit, especially if you do not know if the friendship was God ordained or fleshly. For one, since they are your close friend, you hold truth into knowing that that person is not going anywhere no time soon regardless if they are living for the world, you enjoyed living for the world with them. Notice I said "enjoyed", now that you're in full effect in your walk with Christ. How "close" are you not being? 

Where am I going with this? Okay, listen. Most times, when we've grown up, that friend notices how "different" you appear to be, they can take it as a negative or positive, depending on how they're thinking. They may determine how close you guys really are by setting up worldly events to see how "real" you'll be in engaging again, and totally ignore your new life in Christ. If you deny, then something is odd about you and the friendship now becomes questionable. This is a pure example of :

1 Peter 4:4 "Of course your former friends are surprised when you no longer plunge into the flood of wild and destructive things they do, so they slander you."

When you no longer do what the flesh wants, stand firm against those who slander you. The Holy Spirit alarms you in times of what you should be paying attention to in regards to those friends who you think are close. Close friends should never pressure you into doing something you just aren't into doing anymore.

3. If that person is your close friend, then no close friend should ever feel intimidated, but inspired by your growth unless they're convicted about what isn't growing on their part and are vulnerable towards needing the help. Close friends work through it together, rather if one already has a solid foundation in Christ and the other is still seeking, as close friends, the one that has the solid foundation becomes selfless enough to help the other build their firm foundation in Christ. Hold each other accountable in love. No matter how hard it may be, you still congratulate, honor, love, pray, and embrace your close friend. You guys are both happy to have each other and be each other's motivation in helping one another grow. That friend should respect your path in life and be supportive of all your decisions as Christ leads you instead of assuming you're funny for no longer living for the world.

 If you have a so called close friend who treats you the opposite from what the spirit desires in a godly friendship, get quiet before the Lord, ask him to reveal the truth into some friendships. And keep an open mind that even with those unhealthy friendships, don't think of them as bad, learn from them, appreciate them, because God is always teaching. He gives us more insight of why that person was placed in our lives at that time that they were. So don't take those unhealthy friendships as a waste, they were to teach you to start discerning about every friendship that you have. 

It is important for you to pray and ask God to give you the discernment of the people in your life. 

We seek to have more godly friendships, and sometimes get discourage in the right now environment. Stay encouraged. He is so faithful. Keep on serving him. And he'll send the right people at the right time. Don't you worry about why certain people aren't as interactive anymore, just be grateful that God has distance you from who would've been such a distraction in your spiritual walk. 

You're his child and because he loves you so much, he wants to teach you, prune you, and grow you into who he has call you to be, and you need that support system to keep you going, to encourage you on your weary days. To pray for you when it is hard to utter a word. To love you unconditionally because you're their close friend, a friend ordained by the amazing God who knows who is best for your life. Pray about the friendships in your life and ask God to give you the truth. If it hurts, that is good. God cuts those branches that doesn't produce fruit. | John 15:2 | God cuts those people who aren't beneficial to that producing fruit. 

If you currently have an amazing godly friendship, cover them. The enemy is always looking for relationships/friendships to destroy. Don't let him get a piece of what God put together. Keep on loving each other as sisters/brothers. You make the Lord smile with how much love you have for one another. Being faithful to that one godly friend increase more of them in your life. Keep trusting God.

Go in peace and oh also, don't forget to discern. I love you. 

Love, Desjane. 

The "No" That Saved You

"No" The word that is displeasing, everyone doesn't want to hear, can't accept, and won't accept for an answer;  especially when it is only benefiting them base on their situation. How you interpret the "No" is your perception, but what is your thinking process when it comes to that "No"? Do you throw a temper tantrum? Do you disobey the "No" and go do what you want to do? How do you handle the word "No"?  We like to think that when we ask, the only two answers are "Yes" and "Maybe" But even "Maybe's" could still lead to a "No". Why must we think that a "No" is meant to be negative? Depending on the thinking process in regards to that "No", it could be. But not all "No's" are out to make you feel like you do not deserve whatever it is that you want.

 Most of the times, what we want is just not right for us to have. A "No" can have so many different meanings. That "No" could be for your protection, and most of the times when it is coming from your  parents, their hearts are leading towards that "No" because you're their child and they are protecting you. They know what's best for you, they see right through you more than you can see as a child who is naive. Even as an adult, if we're honest, your parents still KNOW YOU better than you but of course, gives you that space to find YOU, to learn how to take responsibility for yourself. But no matter how old we get, our parents will always want us to make wise decisions in our lives, so if you happen to speak with your parents about something that is important to you, you ask that question, and you hear the answer is leading to a "No", don't be so quick to be disappointed as to why they gave you that answer and immediately start to think that they don't support you.

Testimony:

A year ago, God spoke to me on a hot summer day randomly and said, "I want you to write a book." When I heard him, I did not know how to feel, thoughts of "how was this possible?" rushed through my mind but all I kept hearing was God saying "Write that book, don't worry about the rest. I am taken care of it." I trusted him and by faith I started to write the book, I got excited each time I wrote a chapter even still having those thoughts of "Wow! I can't believe I'm writing this, I never thought I would be writing a book." But I eventually came to terms with it and just knew that it was God's will to do so. Months later, during Christmas time, Heather Lindsey had announced that her and her husband Cornelius were finally launching their new Christian Book Publishing Company called "Lincross Publishing" and that applications will be available that following week. I got SUPER excited, I could not even control myself. I thought," Yes! This is good. I am writing a book, a christian book at that, and they have come out with publishing company! Oh yes! I am going to fill out an application." So I did, I filled out an application, prayed, and got accepted. I was overwhelmed with how excited I was and was in complete disbelief, I thanked the Lord heavenly! During my excitement, Heather had made a post about subscribing to the Lincross Publishing Youtube Channel, and that in order to be involved with the company, you had to be subscribed. The subscription was $10/month. I was a little worried because I knew money was pretty funny. But by faith, I just went ahead and subscribed. (Thank God for free trials, haha)

Later that day, I told my Mother and asked her what she thought. She immediately gave me that look that I knew wasn't going to be a good answer, all of her responses were straight "No's" and kept telling me to find another solution for your book. She was totally against it all. I was hurt, confused, and immediately started to think that she just did not support me in my God-given dream. As days went by, I was still hearing that same "No", this time I was pretty convinced. I later spoken to a brother in Christ and I told him the story and how I felt, he then said, "Question: Do you believe that this company is the one God put for you to use?." My heart instantly got convicted. I could not even give him a straight answer. Had I been so caught up in my own desire of wanting to be apart instead of paying attention to what God was trying to say? Did I take my desire and made it as if it was God's desire for me? After that conversation, I sat in silence, mind was racing, I had mixed emotions, I started to pray for wisdom and understanding. I wanted to know why was I not at peace with this and suddenly God reminded me of the consistent "No's" I kept hearing my  Mother say to me. It clicked. It was like the light-bulb had finally came on. Now I get why my Mother continued to say "No" to me. God was using her to warn me that it was not in his will for me to join that publishing company. His answer was "No" but he allowed me to get accepted to teach me how to understand the concept of why "No's" are not always how you make it to be. After that revelation, I declined Lincross Publishing and was at peace with the decision.

I am saying all this to say, when a "No" is given, don't let your flesh overpower your spirit. Pray for wisdom and understanding. That "No" was very important. It was the answer that kept me safe inside of God's will. If I had not listened and kept going with what I felt, I would have step into my own will. So what will you do the next time you hear a "No" in your life? 

Let me inspire you with the greatest "No" of all time.

"He went on a little further and bowed with his face to the ground, praying, "My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine." Matthew 26:39

Do you know that Jesus prayed not to be persecuted? He did not want to die. But notice at the end of the scripture he says "Yet I want your will to be done, not mine." What was God's will?  God's will was for his son to die on the cross for our sins. So when Jesus prayed to him to not be sacrificed; What was his Father's answer? "NO" Do you realize that if God had told him "Yes", our sins would not have been forgiven? Do you know it would have been impossible for us to reconnect/have a relationship with the Father because the only way you can get to the Father is through Jesus Christ as states in John 14:6. Jesus says that "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me. That "No"  saved your soul. 

Daily, wrapped your mind around that prayer because God could have told him "Yes", God loves you so much enough to even tell his only begotten son "No" A "No" that was beneficial for you. That
"No" that keeps you breathing, keeps waking you up everyday, and lives within you. 

So the next time you're in prayer, be mindful of your desire verse God's. We pray for what we want, instead of asking God what he wants.

Be thankful for that "No" for that job, for he has something greater for you. Be thankful for that "No" to that man or woman that you wanted to be with so badly, for he knew that that person was no good for you, he knows who has designed for you to be with. Be patient. Spent your singleness in the presence of God, let him build you up into the person he has called you to be. Be thankful for that "No" to that party you wanted to go to. To later find out that violence had occurred. God was only  protecting you sweetheart. Be thankful for every. single. "NO" 

Never take "No's" for granted. Especially God's "No's". You witnessed how far the "No" he gave Jesus got us in life. So be wise enough to know that God cares for you, he has not forgotten about you. I get it, you want it all. You want that "Yes" every time you ask a question. But understand that God does not always  operate on a "Yes", he has plenty of "No's", but that is only because he loves you. You're his child and he doesn't want anything to happen to you. He doesn't want you to jump outside of his will. He wants to show you his power. Deny yourself. Your feelings. And be prepare for the "No's" that will change your life. God bless you brothers and sisters. I love you & God loves you so darn much. 

Love, Desjane.