The New Beginning

 what once was dry 

is now being watered 

its your new beginning happening within me 

it's the springs of your living water pouring out never to thirst again

Its like the sunrise after a stormy day encouraging my heart 

I hear the birds chirping and the flowers blooming 

I hear your voice speaking over what use to be a weary soul 

and you say the new thing is now happening within you 

day by day, moment by moment 

keep trusting me 

When God says in Isaiah 43:19 "See I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland" We sometimes perceive new things to be the changing of our circumstances such as maybe a new job or moving to a new city. Maybe new relationships and or friendships. And while all of these are great for the new thing. What if God's new beginning for you is to give you a clean heart first before he provides the new things in your life? 

2020 was such a year we've all experienced some brutal pain physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It left our hearts uncertain about everything. It left wounds that many may still struggle to see if there will be any light in 2021. As I sit here and write this, Jesus began to warm my heart of his sweet reminder that "And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you." 1 Peter 5:10 

We have a need to surrender broken pieces and trust his sweet voice to restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish us so that the harvest he desires to spring forth within us will produce. 

He will never let us go. 

How long oh' God must these dry bones cry out for water? Jesus hears. 

And in his prefect timing he will bring you out. 

What's this new beginning when chaos is all that I see? Jesus says.... "Just keep your eyes on me."

I remember having dreams of the number 8. The number 8 in the Bible represents "New Beginnings"  I began to rejoice because I knew I was in such a dry place. I was praying for his deliverance into a new atmosphere. I felt that the place I was in was the reason I didn't feel alive on the inside and I thought that God moving me would help me to better hope for revival. Then I realized I wasn't physically moving like I had hoped. "God I thought you said a new beginning was coming. What happened?!" 

When things didn't match my perception of what a "New Beginning" looked like, I felt my heart sinking back into the pit of discouragement. "When is this new thing going to happen?!" You showed me in dreams. Until finally, Jesus said to me..."Focus on what I am doing inside of you." I don't understand Jesus. We have an incredible time together but what does that have to do with.... *pause*  That's it. I get it. 

The New Beginning didn't just have anything to do with new moves and any other desire for that matter. It had everything to do with what he said he was going to do on the inside of me. When I received this revelation, he then said to me "I wanted you to trust my power to do the New Beginning within you in the dry place first before I began to move you to what I have prepared for you." 

Some of you may be living under a roof that doesn't do you any good nor gives you the space you need and you've been begging God to breathe. Your perspective of breathe is by asking God to physically move you to another place. But may I suggest to you that maybe God's new beginning wanted to take root within you first. For he has a place prepared for you. His power can restore you wherever you are. He is establishing you in that dry place. Please be encouraged to know that whatever he showed you is the truth of his heart. But he desires the inside of you to match that promise. 

Jesus is most concern about the matters of your heart. Think about it. If God is such an amazing gift giver. How would our hearts receive from a broken place? If I would describe the year 2020 for me, it was the year of intentional healing. I knew I didn't feel good on the inside. The process was painful because when it comes to intentional healing, you have to learn how to be not only vulnerable with yourself but with Jesus. I didn't know if I could trust him with that because I had never allowed myself to fully give my life over to him. But he is faithful to sustain you through the most painful path he chooses to start the new thing within you. I have grown closer to Jesus by the way I've allowed him to vulnerably speak life within every broken place in my heart. He was MY New Beginning. His presence was MY New Beginning. And in that space, the places he has prepared for you will match the reality of what he has done on the inside of you. 

From your own personal place, you know where you stand with Jesus. But has he been speaking to you lately? What have you already spoken over your life this year? How's your heart right now? Do you believe God for a New Beginning? Not just around you, but within you. 

"Lord, make heaven its home in my heart" Jesus desires to dwell in the spaces that once was filled with anguish. He's very familiar with pain and anguish and doesn't dismiss your time to feel. But he wants you to know that he feels with you. Meditating on 1 Peter 5:10,  it gives you the understanding that it has always been him that takes you on whatever pathway he desired so that you would know he's the only one that can brings you out. In order for the new beginning to spring forth, you must go through the important areas that lacks his healing hand. He touches those areas and wants you to trust in his mighty power to complete his New Beginning in that area. 

You deserve to live with joy, peace, and happiness that comes from Christ. What's happening in the world today can distract you from that. As we pray for restoration in our nation. Let the New Beginning root in you first so that you can effectively be his follower to a broken world.

Step by step 

Moment by moment

I continue to run to you for fresh living water 

I want your new beginning within my soul 

I want your peace and comfort 

For your abundant is freely given 

And I can behold whats new and trust you 

How may God want to bring forth his New Beginning in your life? 

Look at where you are. Not by your circumstances but by the rhythm of your heart. How are you feeling? 

It's okay to express to Jesus that right now you're not doing so well, but tell him that you desire to and trust him to restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you in this season. 

Again I say, he will never let you go. He has you in the palm of his hands. 

Prayer: 

Heavenly Father, 

We Thank you for your New Beginnings. You never lack in anything. You are always concerned about your children, for you desire us all to experience true living water and that living water is Jesus Christ. Thank you for how much you love us and want the best for us. Let us remember that you want the posture of our hearts to be renewed before you take us to the place you have prepared for us for your glory. We thank you for purpose and relationship with Jesus Christ. It is a complete honor. Let your perfect will be done within our hearts as you continue to establish us in your presence. In Jesus Name' Amen 

Walking with God through Disappointments

"watching my season slow down to the pace of grace 

hasn't been easy on my hasty soul 

my flesh wanting to move swiftly 

but my spirit needing to dwell in the secret place

heartfelt tears in asking God why

to take a deep breath and say "thank you for knowing what's best for me" 

to mold, shape, refine, and develop 

the disappointment sure did its work in the hands of God

open your mouth and confess

he's never intimidated

the anointing is in the honesty"

We would all agree that 2020 has been one heck of an emotional ride, trying to describe all that we've been through as a whole is overwhelming to say the least. Things were left out in the open. Dreams. Visions. Goals. Everything shutting down right before our eyes. "Lord what is happening?" Before the pandemic, I had some exciting things that I was hoping to take place that I've waited and believed God for for so long, "This is my year" "This is my time" Filled with the "its almost too good to be true" emotions to then walking into an unexpected pandemic where suddenly everything stops. 

We all were left in uncertainty. Almost losing our minds, trying to figure out what is going on, assuming this pandemic would be over the next month and hoping again the next month but here we are in November, and we're still fighting through this. "God, we hoped your revival would've came as soon as we prayed for it."  What do we do? Whose to blame for this pandemic? We can't blame anyone neither can we really control it besides doing our part in being safe by wearing our mask.

To state the obvious in our current reality has been tough on those who really expected a lot to happen this year. Maybe you thought God was ready to do those things you've worked hard the previous year for. Maybe you expected God to open major doors for you. You had plans. I had plans. Everything seemed flushed down the toilet and all you've been left with is a soul that's disappointed. 

Disappointed: (of a person) sad or displeased because someone or something has failed to fulfill one's hopes or expectations 

Disappointments can go from minor to major over time if we aren't careful in properly managing them. It has a way of trying to consume a lot of your hope in God if you let it.

That's why Proverbs 13:12 says "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." We can talk a lot about our small situations, but God is most interested in the deeper ones. Don't look so surprise. Yes he's coming for: 

The one that has your faith wavering right now. 

The one that has you on edge that talking about it leaves you emotionally unstable. 

The one that had your heart set on believing it was going to happen at the time you thought it should have.

 That's the disappointment Jesus wants to touch today. 

To begin, I want to share with you the walk I took with Jesus through disappointment by introducing to you a psalm that can better express my heart in the process.

"The Wounded Artist"

"You've delayed me again

I thought you were ready? 

I thought my excitement was yours?

I thought I was ready to walk through those doors

you've delayed me again 

And decided to heal me at the same time 

everyone else were releasing EP's 

Was it to test my heart? 

To see if I would still believe you again?

To see if I would see the bigger picture of the delay again?

Lord help my heart to hope 

continue to breathe life into the songs you spoke

because comparing seasons just keeps 

the artist wounded and defeated

but the wounded artist shall rise 

and will receive the healing and wholeness 

from the sweet prize of her Lord and Savior Jesus Christ 

so rise again my soul, keep expecting the faithfulness of God

and never let go because this wound turning into a scar is beautiful

God hasn't forgotten you

you healing artist 

I have been wounded as an artist for a long time. I've grown so numb to the pain that it became unrecognizable. I couldn't tell whether I was in faith or extremely hurt, either way, I kept writing. "How does God continue to give me the grace to write when I'm on the edge of giving up?" God knew I was deeply disappointed, but I didn't know how to talk to him about it. My entire music journey felt like I've been doing an unnecessary arm stretch that's reaching nowhere. Things didn't make sense. Have you ever been tired from trying? That was me. "Why is this so difficult for me? What's wrong with me working on a project?"

While I have been surrounded by other singer/songwriter colleagues and have had great exposure to things, I still felt like I wasn't getting anywhere. I wasn't moving as an artist like I saw every other artist did. "I know it isn't an easy journey but at least they've made progress." as I would say. 

I had some really bad comparison issues that made me start second guessing the songs I was writing and double checking to see if my voice was still enough. Nothing felt authentic when I would congratulate other writers and singers releasing their music. "I'm trying to be a team player, but I'm just tired of my own journey not moving. God this isn't fair."  Haunting questions like "Do you have music out? "Are you releasing any music some time soon?' replaying in my mind all over again. "God, I never have any response when people ask me if I have any music out? Have you forgotten me? "Why does it seem so hard for me?" "Why does it look so easy for everyone else?" 

All of these questions were self-centered because I never took the time to acknowledge my pain. "God, I'm hurt." goes a long way when you admit that to God, but it gets even clearer when you tell him why you're hurt. When its deep pain, we try easing it with temporary cares such as streaming shows and or hanging out with friends, and while all of that stuff isn't bad, we still use it to get around the real pain that needs more attention. I never thought for one second that God was just working things out for my good because I was too busy assuming he was withholding a lot from me. But enough was enough. 

I believe 2020 was the year God decided to really heal this wound and the one thing I can tell you is that he has a special way of getting your attention about something that's really important to him. He will use specific situations as an invitation. 

For example: Whenever I would see an artist releasing music, I would crack a little smile, say yay, but later cry. (no joke) I would cry and say to God "But I want to be happy for them. It's their season. It's their time." Couple of months in, I started seeing more releases. "God, all of a sudden all of these artists are releasing EP's around the same time" I'm emotionally wrecked all through my social media timeline. Finally I heard the Lord say "How long will you ignore my invitation? I've allowed this to happen because I knew you were heart-sick, and I've been showing you your heart so that you would realize I want to heal it." 

…"I'm sorry Lord, I was afraid..."  I didn't want to be uncomfortable, so I hid. I want to be healed but I assume I have to fix this in my own strength." Number 1, it sounds crazy to want to be healed but you choose to stay connected to your brokenness because you're afraid of being uncomfortable with the healing process. The enemy will make you believe that you're able to heal yourself. We can't do that. We're too fragile and also human, our flesh will immediately choose for us and we'll never receive the healing God intends because we kept running to others things instead of him. I kept running to quick fixes, celebrating through the day, seeing another release and start dreading through the night. "That's a God pick." He keeps picking at that brokenness. That disappointment that grew too deep. 'Lord, I can't be afraid of this anymore." 

My friend, it is possible to be wounded by the things God has called you to do. But we have a choice. We could carry our wounds into what God has for us or we can deal with it as God has carved out space to do so. We do not have to stay broken. We do not have to live in our disappointments. 

 I recently read an amazing quote by Joyce Meyer "God doesn't deal with us about everything all at once, he deals with us as the timing is right." This encourages me to know that everything that has happened in this season was on purpose. God set aside time to really heal me. He allowed myself to open up one wound at a time. To speak when trembling. To trust when uncertain. He wants our surrender. 

I let it go. I surrendered with a sigh of relief that finally I could recognize that my heart was tired and would begin trusting the only one who knows how to take care of it best. The beautiful revelation about this process was that God never took his promises away. What he spoke is still very powerful to repeat back to myself to this day. He just wanted me to be ready for it. So yes, his promises still stand but the promise was never more important than the vessel. The vessel is weak and needs strength. The vessel needs proper preparation. The vessel couldn't possibly do this without the Lord in the first place. That's why wholeness really matter. So please know that God will not get over what's hurting you. He wants to heal you. 

In this moment, take a deep breath and search your heart. Ask yourself these questions. 

1. Are things really okay with my heart?

2. Has God been trying to get my attention in this season about something I've been really disappointed about?  

Now, Let's do something practical:  

Get a Journal/Notebook.  
Anything you could write on and go back to would be great. 

(sidenote: don't underestimate the power of journaling.) 

When you have your journal, write the following question down:  "Why am I disappointed?"

I know it sounds simple but simple can be powerful. 

I will show you an example of this exercise: 

"Why am I disappointed?" 

1. I felt it was my fault I wasn't where I thought I should have been as an artist. 

2. I felt I wasn't stepping out on faith enough.

3. It felt like God was making it very hard for me to walk this music journey out. 

4. I wasn't agreeing with God's timing. 

5. I felt forgotten.

It's very important for you to be detailed as possible to really expose the root of the matter. 

You want to give yourself a chance to be vulnerable. 

Vulnerability starts with you and Jesus before it goes out to be shared with the world. 

Write out your list of reasons for whatever wound you're struggling to walk through. 

You've hid from the truth for so long so it will be uncomfortable for the first time. 

But we're more than conquerors right?! You got this. 

Next, as you've written those reasons down. 

Take another breathe. 

Now speak life into them. 

For example: 

1. I felt it was my fault I wasn't where I thought I should have been as an artist 

(But God's timing is perfect, and I will forgive myself for all the self-condemnation I was doing. Right now he is molding and shaping me into the artist he wants me to be and that takes time. He knows best so I will continue to trust him.) 

2. I felt I wasn't stepping out on faith enough. 

(There are some things that only God can do, I've done the part that I know to do so I will trust God to take care of the rest. God will come through for my life. Things of the Lord will not come by force. He's proud of the steps of obedience I've made, therefore, I know he will take care of me.) 

3. It felt like God was making it very hard for me to walk this music journey out. 

(God is for me and not against me. He never said it would be easy, but he did say he would be with me. What I think is hard is actually me trying to operate in my own strength. I must stand down and remember that God orchestrated this journey, therefore, he will get the glory out of every season.) 

4. I wasn't agreeing with God's timing. 

(God says to  "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding" Proverbs 3:5.  So I will rest in him. My soul will wait for him to act. My soul will not give up on him. I must surrender to his will because his timing is what's best for my life.)  

5. I felt forgotten 

(But God's word says that I am chosen and not forsaken. He says that I am not overlooked and that he is always thinking of me. He has an incredible plan for my life. What God has for me is for me.) 

You don't have to leave your reasons with a period. 

Put a comma on it and end that sentence with God's word. 

I guarantee you, this small practical faith exercise will change your life for the betterment of your healing and wholeness. God will meet you in such a powerful way. He rests in the honesty. He begins the greater work in your honesty. God wants you whole and healed and when you in faith, step into an unknown place with him, you will come out so renewed, restored, refreshed, and full of faith. 

Oh, you want to hear the results of my process since practicing this exercise. I've gained:

1. Greater Perspective 

I started to really see the fruit of the wait. He has pruned my entire perspective of what being an artist means. I didn't know my heart was that full of myself. "I want the album, the tour, the recognition, etc too" He took all of that and really showed me what artistry truly is unto him. What performance could never be. And that's true honest worship. I don't sing because I want to be heard anymore, I sing because I know where the gift came from. (That took a lot of dying to self to realize this) 

He has given me songs I could not have never thought to write. 

The type of songs that would describe the kind of walk I have with him now.

 That took healing to receive such revelation. Which leads me to my next point. 

2. Humility 

I'd never forget hearing from an amazing friend "God is most interested in taking you from a performer to a worshipper" Coming from a performance base background, I had to really open my heart to understand this. God has allowed me to lead worship in this season at my amazing church City Church Chicago, and while I am grateful, I see the beauty in deep humility in Christ. It's become a sensitive task to know that you're leading people into the presence of God. That takes sacrifice. That takes yielding. That takes healing. Healing from the heart of pride of thinking it's always been about you. 

When it comes to worship, yes, there is a set of practical things that take place, as far as the worship set is concerned, but the motive is to always worship the Lord above all. As an artist, we can be self-seeking into what we want the people to respond to. "Jesus, if I'm not careful with that my heart will run into people-pleasing"

Part of my brokenness was feeling forgotten which I mentioned on my list of reasons, and feeling that way, caused me to seek for sense of recognition for my gift and talent. I sung with the intention of wanting others to know I could sing. I long for the compliments because I just wanted to feel apart. I wanted to feel like an artist. I was already tempted to take the Singer/Songwriter title off of my name because I assumed that making yourself known via social media was the way to truly be an artist. 

Jesus walked me through a very cut-throat process in this, because he cared about what my heart was deceived by. Humility has helped me to surrender my idea as an artist to receive his idea as one. Humility has helped me to put away my pride and know that learning doesn't have a stopping point. I am constantly learning, growing, and able to develop my craft through seeing the beauty of waiting on God. 

I didn't want to become this artist that's secretly competitive because she never dealt with her insecurities and wounds. Especially as an gospel artist. A gospel artist's intent is to make Jesus name great. So this artist from another shouldn't be my competition but my teammate. We are in this together. We collaborate  together. We support one another. We lift him up high in unity. 

That revelation? TAKES HEALING. And all of this came about because I asked myself "why was I disappointed?" Your "why" will lead to a greater healing, perspective, and revelation. I will never forget the journey that God has specifically designed for me, and the most exciting part of it all is that the story is not done. There is still more he wants to do. And I will see the faithfulness of God. He knew all the wounds it would carry but knew the beauty behind it. That's what makes us most like Christ. 

DECLARATION: 

To every disappointment, you no longer have a hold on me. You no longer can fester within my spirit because what you meant for evil, God meant it for good. These wounds are now scars and can be gladly shared for the glory of Jesus Christ. I receive my healing, perspective in Christ, and revelation. I rise. Because now I am a HEALED ARTIST. In Jesus Name' Amen 

PRAYER: 

Heavenly Father, Thank you. Thank you that you use everything for our good. Our disappointments have greater purposes and we now see that we can find the beauty in the pain. That brokenness attracts you as you are close to those who are. You are never far away. Help us to be open and honest with you. We are scared to be uncomfortable, so give us the strength to trust you in this cut-throat process. You have the power. You have the word. And you are revealing power within me. I never had to let this disappointment take over my now nor future. I just had to surrender so that you could do something beautiful with us. Help us to remember that we already had the victory. Help us to remember that this is for a greater purpose. Help us to remember that we are not forgotten. We are loved. We are chosen. No brokenness is overlooked by you. You are in control. You know what's best for us. Thank you for your son Jesus, he is the reason why wholeness will forever be possible. We declare that we are healed artist and or healed in whatever gift or talent you've blessed us with. We receive your healing and we walk in wholeness and take up our cross for your glory. Thank you for blessing us with an amazing story. We love you. 

In Jesus Name' Amen. 

SCRIPTURES FOR OVERCOMING DISAPPOINTMENT: 

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. "Jeremiah 29:11 

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

'Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God." Psalms 42:11 

"We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed" 2 Corinthians 4:8-9

"And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." Romans 5:5

"Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7 

"More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." Romans 5:3-5

God believes in you.

If I can be honest, I'm having a hard time believing in myself for a lot of soon to come things. My mind always wonders "What would I be like as a Leader? Wife? Mother?" The major roles that carry greater responsibilities right?!. They scare me. Do I really have what it takes to be this leader God sees me as? Do I really have what it takes to carry the role of a Wife? The loving, hard-working Mother? 

Sooner or later I get overwhelmed because I'm trying to jump in a time that has not come yet. I would ask God "What makes you believe in me the way you do?" Or God maybe my problem is I'm having a hard time believing in you and what you said. Maybe I just don't like your timing and how you work sometimes. Yeah, that's it. That's my confession. 

With Leadership, I can easily say I have faith in believing God for the ministry he spoke over my life, but my heart is actually scared of the process to get to that and the dependence on God it really takes to wait on him for that provision. Plus the platforms that look appealing to an audience that may have no idea what it takes to even get up on a stage to confidently spread the gospel. The team that you pray without ceasing for. It's just a lot that comes with ministry and as a Leader. God, that's scary. 

With relationships, I can easily say I have faith in believing God for an God-ordained relationship/marriage but my heart is actually scared of it because I've never experienced a dating relationship before. "What am I suppose to say?" "What am I suppose to do?" It's overwhelming to think of the impression of someone, yet along try to read their minds about how they may feel about you. You hear too much of what culture has distorted about dating and relationships, and when that world is foreign, you don't know how to prepare. You pray for the unrealistic expectations to be lifted within your heart and the person that God has for you. God, that's scary. 

But each "God, that's scary" is the response from the Father "I believe in you." 

It takes a lot of faith to believe you're capable of something that you've never been in before. It's a scary leap but worth seeing exactly what God saw. I can easily sit here and think of all the future roles and still miss who I currently am and can be right now. And that's "A Daughter of God"  

No I am not in a romantic relationship nor do I have all the leadership priorities just yet. But I know what role I can continue to play and that's being a Daughter of Christ. That's being a servant. It's being submissive to the only one that really does matter. God helped me to change my perspective of what I can steward over such as being on the worship team at my church, being a loyal friend/sister in Christ, honoring my parents, and the role at your job that may seem insignificant. Those are all still roles that carry a greater responsibility. 

My biggest problem has been focus and I can see why, because when I focus I always think of ways to better represent Christ with what I have and as the enemy knows this, he distracts with what we don't have and lies to us saying that what's in front of us isn't still a priority. 

Hearing Jesus reassure me about what's in front of me brings light into the situation because if he believes in me with what I have in front of me, the more to come will be just as conquering. I don't have to be afraid of what I don't know because as God's word says in Ecclesiastes 3:11 "Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end."

I have a choice to fill my mind with the doubts of the future or I'm going to believe that God already believed I could do it as he was forming me. So if you're like me, be encouraged to know that God isn't surprised by our first response. 

I believe God chuckles when our first response is doubt and fear because it's a common response. If you take a look at the characters in the bible, you'll read their responses and if you were in front of them you probably would've heard the tremble in their voices too. They all were perplexed. The two characters in the bible that I think of the most are:

Moses: 

But Moses pleaded with the Lord, “O Lord, I’m not very good with words. I never have been, and I’m not now, even though you have spoken to me. I get tongue-tied, and my words get tangled.” Exodus 4:10

Gideon:

"Pardon me, my lord," Gideon replied, "but how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family." Judges 6:15

And God's responses: 

"Then the Lord asked Moses, “Who makes a person’s mouth? Who decides whether people speak or do not speak, hear or do not hear, see or do not see? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go! I will be with you as you speak, and I will instruct you in what to say.” Exodus 6:11

"The Lord said to him, “I will be with you. And you will destroy the Midianites as if you were fighting against one man.” Judges 6:16

No matter how hard they tried to plead with God and choose to speak from their deficiencies, God never changed his mind about who he knew they were and I don't know about you but I am extremely encouraged right now. You can see the beautiful example of how God knows our first response isn't first faith. The "How in the world God?!" is God's "it was always you when I formed you". I believe in you. 

You don't have to fight for someone to see your worth and know that you're able because God already told you that you were able. That's all the validation you need. You have his strength, you can know his voice, you can receive his power, and mighty comfort. He believes in you. So please... "believe in yourself." 

Don't continue to let the enemy speak death over what has yet to come. Whatever it is for you that you feel you're inadequate in before its time, God believes in you. You will be all that he has called you to be. Just remember to be what he wants you to be right now because that's still significant. 

I can look at what's to come from a better perspective. I'm not going to look at it with a perfect lens or else I'm going to assume everything must be perfect. The new mistakes are there. The new lessons are there. But never forget that God's grace is already there too. God has graced us already to be everything that he has called us to be. When he shares what he has chosen you for, he didn't tell you so that you could assume you were responsible for everything. He wants to walk with you in it. He wants you to embrace the journey, keep enduring, and never forget that he is with you. 

God believes in you. If you have to say that to yourself every second, minute, hour, etc. Do that. Because you are so powerful. What he has destined for you is far greater than you could ever imagine, and it's his grace that does the greatest work. 

You don't have to carry this life in your own strength anymore. 

You don't have to take on what you know only God can do. 

You don't have to be afraid anymore.

You can do it.

You can do it.

You can do it. 

God loves you and he will forever believe in you.

He will forever speak to the one he created and not the deficiencies that we see. 

He didn't make a mistake, he made a masterpiece.

And just as those amazing characters in the bible conquered, so can you and I. 

...."I believe in you....So believe in yourself"

Prayer: 

Father, I pray in the name of Jesus that whomever reads this knows that you believe in them. You did not leave them to try and figure everything out. Your word says that you never leave nor forsake us, therefore, let us grab ahold to that promise. Let us remember that we do not have to walk this life alone. We do not have to believe that we are not able to be all that you have called us to be. Let us remember to be who we can be today. What's in front of us is just as important as the next and you do see us successfully and gracefully conquering through those new roles. It's your love that keeps us going. 

I pray for any soul that is discouraged to begin believing in you again. Thank you for believing in us the way that you do. We will never forget that you are our creator that created a giant within us. Thank you. We will conquer, endure, and see the beauty of all we can do through you.

In Jesus Name' Amen 

To the woman who feels.... Part 3

Anxious about the Future 

"I want to know what's next God.

I can't stand not being able to see what's ahead 

I like to have some sense of understanding 

But I get it! Is that really faith if I knew everything? 

I know your word says to trust you with all my heart and not lean on my understanding, 

But I can't help but wonder. 

It seems like life is going down hill, so what's your plan? 

I need a sign. I need wisdom.

I know. I know. I just need to relax and trust you." 

Everyone cringes over the lack of knowing what's next. Follower of Jesus or not. It drives us up the wall. We seek God anxiously for clarity, wisdom, and direction and it feels like you're not getting anywhere. The promises that God spoke over you suddenly seems blurry and feels like everything is drying up around you. You have to hold on to your faith, but you can't help to admit that you're anxious about how God is actually going to show up in your life. The next season seems so far away. You make up scenarios & visualize the best way to get some sort of possibility into your next. I don't know if that may be you. But it most certainly is me. 

I have such a broad imagination and I'm training myself not to treat it as a curse. Because to be honest, it can try and get in the way of allowing God to truly blow my mind with his plans. God has shared promises that I'm so excited for, that all of a sudden I feel anxious about. Why? Because I didn't realize that it is in the in-between transitions that God grows your faith, develops your character, and molds/shapes you. The in-between is the place where we're tempted to think about the "how" when God is most interesting in your refining. See, God shares the promise..we get excited..but we naively dismiss the process to the promise. Yikes. Could that be why we're all anxious? 

We don't feel like sitting and receiving. We don't feel like enduring and growing. We want the promise now. We're ready to see it happen. "You have a bright future for me Lord, you said so yourself, but why is it taking so long?" "What am I suppose to do right now? "Can you give me the next step?" "I can't see what you're doing and it's freaking me out?!" 

Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding." Proverbs 3:5

But what does it look like not to depend on your own understanding?

Does that mean not to ask God too many questions? 

Does that mean not to think about it? 

How do we know we're trusting the Lord with our whole hearts?

Is being concerned an indication that I'm not trusting the Lord? 

I know. These are questions I still ask myself today too. We want to trust God but have you ever asked him what does it look like? When it comes to trusting God, I don't think it's by a matter of feeling, I believe it's the matter of knowing him. Do you know that he is all knowing? Do you believe that he is working all things out for your good? Do you know that he has a hope and a future for you? Maybe those profound truths aren't enough to calm your anxious soul. You feel you work well with having to know every step. Maybe you're the planner and it's bothers you not to have a plan together. Its like God is interfering with your normalcy of needing to know all the time.

In your walk of faith, God has a way of putting you in situations that requires you to trust him. I can only speak for myself in saying that he has exhausted all possibilities as to how I thought he was going to show up in my life. I got upset countless times thinking God was going to show up one way and wind-up showing up in another. It was his way of reminding me that I don't know his every move. I'm not suppose to. It requires trust. God will surprise you in a heartbeat, answering that prayer in such a space where you didn't think he would. 

I don't know about you, but this pandemic has seriously put my faith into place. I'm learning to live in the "I don't know" and being okay with it. It's very hard and isn't comfortable at all. But it's going to be okay. If you're anxious about your future, I want to share the two main encouragements that is helping even myself right now.

1. Practice remembering what God has already done for you and how far you've came.

You wanna know the greatest way to bless the heart of God? Is to remember. Remember that he is good. Remember that he's brought you from a long way. God does a lot for his children. He does more than we could ever think of and when I remember that, I would say "You should be ashamed of yourself for how you've dismissed what God has done for you" but God doesn't like when I condemn myself (so don't beat yourself up) just take a minute to pause and remember. Allow his presence to reassure you that he never left even when it feels like he left you in a dry place. He's still working. He's still thinking about you and strategically handling things that you couldn't handle for yourself. Your journey isn't over by one season. He has more in store. But I believe he create space for us to intentionally remember because it's important. It's there, peace begins to well within your soul. 

Remember that you have to put it into practice in order to remain within God's rest. The enemy is quick to snatch your peace away when he sees that you're living in the present grateful. He wants to make you anxious about your future, but resist. Tell him to go sit down somewhere and journal away with what God has done for you. 

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6 

2. Get to know him better. 

Our anxiety may have something to do with a lack of intimacy with Jesus. Maybe your relationship with Jesus is flourishing right now but you still feel anxious sometimes. That's okay. Jesus isn't asking us to walk in 110% faith everyday, he knows we doubt within the moment. (hints: peter.) But he also wants to teach us how to rest and allow this season to help you get to know him more. 

My relationship with Jesus has grown so much because I didn't know what else to do with this season but to turn to the one who knew more about it than me. When you're anxious about what's next, it's the best time to pursue Jesus like never before. He creates the space for you to get to know who he is. When all is lost and possibilities are exhausted, he's standing right there waiting for you to turn to him. 

I can hear him saying "Coooommme on, I know you're tired. I've been watching you strive and wear yourself out trying to figure out what I am doing. But come sit with me awhile and rest. I got you." 

Jesus is so sweet. He cares about you and doesn't intend on leading you down any wrong paths nor failing you. That next season will be so beautiful because of the growth you decided to take upon in this season of waiting. Just think, this next time around, you're more closer to Christ than ever. You'll be more strengthen to endure and persevere, and you'll always have the testimonies behind what you're currently going through. Today, surrender your need to know and be encouraged that the one who created you is SURE about your future.

SCRIPTURES FOR ANXIETY:

"When doubts filled my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer." Psalm 94:19

"Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:6-7

"Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up." Proverbs 12:25

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." John 14:27

Prayer: 

Heavenly Father, 
We thank you that you know our beginning to end. Help us to surrender our need to know what's next. We are tired and always wondering but help us to never lose sight of who you are. Let us dwell in your presence, remembering what you've done and how far you've brought us. We love how you consistently sit with us in this dry place, but living water is forever present. Living water has the power to change any situation and give us peace no matter where we are. Thank you that you're always working for our best and let us remember that we we're going through is to prepare us for what you have next. Thank you for everything.

 In Jesus Name' Amen 

To the woman who feels... Part 2

TIRED. 

Lord, what is happening right now? I'm so tired.

It seems like every time I'm in a good space with my peace

Something comes and hits me from another direction 

Why does it seem like I keep getting attacked over and over again?

Did you leave me here to fight every single battle by myself?

I know you're my strength when I am weak

But it feels like a setup to be defeated

But wait...

I suddenly remember that song "Surrounded" by Michael W Smith

As the lyrics "It may look like I'm surrounded but I'm surrounded by you" spoke to my soul

I heard your still small voice say "get up again" 

Every time I've felt weak and tired, I would feel his comforting presence and hear his sweet whisper of  "Keep enduring Daughter. It's only for a little while" I would shake my head with tears streaming down my face. "I don't know Lord, I'm doing my best to keep pushing." I would imagine Christ standing next to me with his hand on my shoulder telling me to take a deep breath and rest in the "be still and know I am God". It's exhausting just thinking of what is wearing you out. 

"Father, I feel overworked at my job. Things keep changing and it's getting annoying, it seems like there are some unrealistic expectations being made and I am doing my best."

"Am I being obedient enough? I don't want to stress myself out but I just want to know how I'm doing. I know you said that your love & salvation isn't earned, it's freely given, but sometimes I feel myself working to impress you." 

"Lord, what's going on with this credit card, it seems like I've been doubled charged for an uber.  *signs* I have to call and make sure these transactions are correct. See Lord? It seems like i'm being attacked left from right."

I believe God has tons of jars for every single tear I've shed in this season.You have to bear through the weight of tests and trials, make sure you learn from them, keep growing, stay obedient, and on top of that, you have to endure through little attacks you know the enemy is trying to use to distract you from the real battles that are worth our energy in defeating. "Lord, this is too much. I need a break." But as soon as my rant is over, Jesus kindly reminds me....

"So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold, though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world." 1 Peter 1:6-7 NLT

"Jesus you're the one that we hope for. And when you tell me to count it all joy, it can be very hard to do because my mind sometimes is always fixed on the circumstance at hands instead of the eternal promise of knowing that this too shall pass." 

Our weariness is normal, Christ knows we're tired. He got tired. (I Recommend you watch this incredible sermon by Steven Furtick "Tired on the Inside") We get tired of the same cycles, certain environments, lack of political change, the lynching of black lives, nagging bosses, social media trolls, COVID-19, our own addictions and habits, and countless of things that you may feel tired to even express. Let's breathe and rest. Close your eyes. Imagine Christ's hand on your shoulder. 

When I read 1 Peter 1:6-7, Jesus helped me to see that at the end of the day, we always had the victory. Currently, I've been experiencing some heavy refining and there have been days when tears were words. I would feel the weight of the test and or trial, I would deal with trying not to respond to what's negatively being poured out at me. I would endure and endure and sit feeling empty. Feeling like strength left my entire body. "Lord, if I had the choice, I would want you to come and pick me up a little earlier. I would rather be with you than to put up with this." Every time I said that, he knew I was speaking from a place of wanting to give up and stop trying. His heart was warmed for just wanting to be with him, but he also reassured me that it is not time yet. He still has so much he wants to do through me before he returns. 

When we're tired, its tempting to look at what God has blessing us with and all of sudden treat it like it's a curse. The job God blessed me with started getting on my nerves, I felt it was time to move on in my life, so I stopped sowing into that place. I was just tired, letting my timing speak for itself. But I had to get out of myself and ask Jesus where was he. Obviously he's still at the same place with me at this current job. Therefore, I need to surrender my moodiness to believe I'm so ready to move on and stay faithful with where I am. 

Another reason why I felt so tired was because I was working myself up to the approval of God. Listen, if you believe that you can earn God's love through your works. You're missing the point of his grace. He isn't checking for you to work for his love. His salvation was given freely. He loves you no matter what. I was wearing myself out thinking I needed to be doing something in order to let God know that I loved him and that I wanted to be loved in return. Nothing can separate you from the love of Christ. (Romans 8:38) "So breathe and rest. Close your eyes. Imagine Christ's hand on your shoulder."

When we're tired, it may seem like God isn't listening, but he is. I believe that it is he that turns the fire up a notch because there's something he placed down on the inside of you that he's birthing out. You're in such a refining season, so everything around you and within seems tiring. Test and trials come suddenly, and you feel like you have to defeat the fight by yourself, as if God pushed you out on the battlefield to make a fool of yourself. God doesn't do that. Most of the battles that wear us out are the ones that we're trying to fight that belong to him.

When we're tired, the Lord wants to teach us to cling to him. We're use to running for strength in other places and or people. He wants to be the ultimate source of strength. He gives strength to the weary. He gives rest to the weary. Let's breathe and rest. Close your eyes. Imagine Christ's hand on your shoulder. 

 

Notice I kept repeating "Let's breathe and rest. Close your eyes. Imagine Christ's hand on your shoulder." because it's an amazing holy imagination that takes your eyes off of what is weighting you down and onto your savior. What you're enduring through is only for a little while sis. Take the pressure off of yourself to feel like you have to throw at least one more punch, when the Lord is standing right next to you fighting that battle. There are some battles Jesus equips us for, but there are also battles that belong to the Lord. He's already won. You've already won. You've had the victory sense before you were in your Mother's womb. Rest in his presence.

We're all tired from something so spend quiet time asking yourself honest questions.

Get to the bottom of what's making you tired. 

It can be personal.

 It could relate to what's going on in this world. 

Either way, Jesus cares and understands. He just wants to hear from you. 

He desires to give strength to the weary. 

1. What's weighting on your heart in this season? 

2. What have you allowed to stress you out and make you feel tired? 

3. What has God blessed you with that you're tempted to treat as a curse? 

Scriptures for the weary and tired: 

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." | Matthew 11:28-29

I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint. | Jeremiah 31:25

"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.” Isaiah 40:29

"For who is God besides The Lord? And who is the Rock except our God? It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure." Psalm 18:31-32

"He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” Psalm 46:10

To the woman who feels.....

INSECURE. 
(Warning: I plan on being transparent.)

"Why do I keep doing this to myself?
If Christ said that I was enough then why don't I feel that within my heart?
What false lie did I believe that made me feel this way?
Who said something that made me feel this way?
What thoughts did I allow to grow in my heart?
What hasn't happened in my life that could be the reason why I feel this way? 
Why do I keep doing this to myself? 
I can't stop thinking about how much I feel inadequate
I need to stop, that's not healthy. 
God says i'm enough, but why don't I still feel that in my heart?
Maybe I know why. 
Maybe I don't.
Maybe I don't want to face the truth.
Maybe I'm afraid to go through the process.
If God again keeps telling me i'm enough, what is my problem with believing it?


 Did you know that the biggest attack we will face daily is insecurity?

And if you knew.... Did you take the time to deal with it? Let's face it. We don't like to get to the root of our insecurities sometimes, we just feel and keep it moving. We say we will deal with them later but somehow you feel the Lord nudging you about them. He cares. And wants you to care enough too.

As women, we feel more than we know, and insecure is the main one. Maybe you don't think so, but you and I both know you felt uneasy at some point about YOU. See, YOU makes the difference that somebody needs in this world, so of course the biggest attack we face daily will always be insecurity.

The most sensitive area of my life is where most of my insecurities rooted from and that is romantic relationships. I'm a 25 year old Single Christian Woman who has never dated nor been in a relationship before. 

"Lord, is there something wrong with me?"

 "Am I not enough or am I too much?"

"What do I need to change about myself so that I can be what somebody wants?" 

"Am I not attractive?"  

"I'm looking in the mirror, double checking to make sure I even look good." 

"Does my body even look desirable? I don't have the so called "bad chick" look."

"He's probably going to think I look like a little girl." 

I will not sit here and write this post without being transparent. I actually had these thoughts. 

I looked at myself as the problem instead of a promise. I questioned my value instead of stewarding over it. I overlooked the blessing of God's protection instead of praising him for it. I made myself feel less than by my choice of thought. I chose to believe I wasn't enough. I chose to believe that I was the lack of the provision. Oh, what thoughts that make you feel insecure. 

God's word is pretty clear about what he says about you. He doesn't look at you in any way a human would. He sees exactly what he created. He didn't create you to be an option in somebody's cart to possibly buy later. He bought you already and has no intentions on putting you back on the market. 

I was that woman who just didn't feel enough. The thought of being single drove me insane. "Lord, Could you have let me at least have some dating experiences? All I was asking for was for God to let me date so that I could cure an insecurity. "If I could just...."  Just what? The desire to relate was feeding into my insecurities. How deceitful to believe that a man pursuing would make me finally believe that I was attractive and worthy. 

I knew I was indeed Christ's Masterpiece. I knew I was chosen and loved. But I didn't feel it. See, here's the thing about "feelings" Feelings are never wise to follow. Feelings can change throughout your day. So if feelings are unstable than why would we be led by them? 

Christ is sure of his Word and sometimes you won't feel what he says to you right away, but it will always be true of you. When you're use to speaking against that truth, you have to give it time to grow. It was hard for me to believe that nothing was wrong with me because I was use to telling myself that it was. What you rehearse becomes your song. 

Maybe you've rehearsed loneliness and unworthiness. That sad tune needs to be given back to Christ, and in him let the process of your healing begin. There is a such thing as healing from insecurities.

"I can't keep doing this to myself. 

I can't talk like this anymore.

My worth is found in Christ.

He is all that I need.

He is the only man I know that doesn't waver in thought about me.

He is my comfort and my life support.

He is my friend. 

I am beautiful. 

I am worth the wait.

I will not be defined by culture and its impatience.   

Sis, I still struggle sometimes, but the more I rehearse his Word over my life, the more it takes roots over all the insecurities I use to speak over myself. I have to let go. I have to surrender. I have to believe that God does have the best for my life and knows exactly what he is doing.

"I can't keep doing this to myself."

As you can see, "I can't keep doing this to myself' is repeated. 

We as woman sometimes have a bad habit of the way we talk and or treat ourselves. 

There is a root to everything we may feel insecure about. For this first exercise I want you to identity the root of your insecurity. You may have multiple, which is okay to confess. You can identity each one of them to keep from growing too deep within your heart.

1. How do you feel about you? 

2. What makes us women feel insecure at times? 

3. Has society made you feel insecure? 

4. Did something happen or did someone say anything to you that made you feel insecure?


Be okay with your honesty. God can handle it so allow yourself to be brave enough to handle it too.
You open up wounds to the right healer and his name is Jesus Christ.

Scriptures of TRUTH to cure your insecurities: 

You're his ambassador. 

"So we are Christ’s ambassadors; God is making his appeal through us. We speak for Christ when we plead, “Come back to God!” | 2 Corinthians 5:20 

You're his masterpiece. 

"For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." | Ephesians 2:10 

You're chosen. 

"You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you." | John 15:16

"But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light." | 1 Peter 2:9 

“You are my witnesses,” declares the Lord, “and my servant whom I have chosen, that you may know and believe me and understand that I am he. Before me no god was formed, nor shall there be any after me. | Isaiah 43:10 

You're loved. 

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life." |  John 3:16 

You're beautiful. 

"I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well." | Psalms 139:14

What happens when you understand the wait but you still have difficulties waiting?

As a believer, God wants us to be sure of his promises for our lives and to believe him for them. But there's one thing that believers struggle to understand most of the time and that's........how to wait. 

Waiting is not the easiest thing to do, especially for a believer in Jesus. ....."It seems like we have to do all this waiting God, what's the fun in this?!" We'll easily get off track with the more complaining we do and the impatient spirit we'll carry if we don't ask Jesus to change our perspective in the wait. 

But what if you did allow him to do that but you still have difficulties waiting? 

So let's talk real. Let's talk raw. Let's be honest.

Just like you may be, I am walking through this season of waiting on the things God has specifically promised me and has it been easy? Of course not. I've had moments of doubting, assuming maybe I heard God wrong, scared that maybe I was just dreaming again. My emotions running wild. It got to the point where I asked the Lord, "Is this you or me? Give me your wisdom." Of course God is faithful, and he did give me his wisdom, and in fact reassured me that what I heard was indeed from him. I was so encouraged. He even gave me some understandings of my current circumstances and about myself that encourage me to understand the wait for what he spoke.

Until one day I utter these words.....

..."Lord, help me keep pushing. I'm growing tired. I keep trying to disqualify myself from your promises because I can't see myself the way you see me. I feel forgotten. And even though I understand the wait is significant, it's hard to even cope sometimes. Give me a fresh wind. Encourage my spirit again. Give me the strength. 

Keep my eyes from worthless things that only amplifies the opposite of waiting for you. I will continue to trust in you, but come and change my perspective again." 


Now how did it go from being sure and encouraged of the wait to that?! Somehow, someway, I lost perspective and got tired. It just seemed like there was always delays happening in my life. I know! I know! I know! I know I need to focus on my relationship with you Lord, continue to develop, and be faithful with the season you have me in but I can't help but to feel annoyed by this process.

What happens when your contentment is running a bit dry in your current season?
What happens when you just can't help but to be honest and say Lord.."I'm tired?" 

Do you too feel this way? Do you too ask questions about your waiting season? Do you need Jesus to help change your perspective again and or for the first time? 

My thousands of "what happens" questions was simply answered: "GREATER INTIMACY" 

Your difficulties waiting produces greater intimacy with Jesus because it creates a space for you and your relationship with him to develop beyond where it is. That's why it's all about perspective in how to deal with your difficulties because of what it will potentially do to your faith. It will either grow your faith or hinder it. So the complaints, confusions, frustrations, weariness, and or whatever you feel has a divine purpose for your greater intimacy with him.

Let me explain further....

1. Be honest. 

Jesus knew that the wait would be challenging for you, that's why he's never annoyed when you want to walk and believe in faith but you struggle a bit to do that. For me, I knew I had a tough time being honest with him. I never wanted Jesus to know how I really felt (as if I could ever hide anything from him) because I assumed he would think I didn't believe him for what he said. 

Listen... Jesus knows that you believe him, but also knew the walk behind it. He never expected any of us to step into this thing 110% in faith, he meant for our faith walk to be a journey. (notice the characters in the bible all had a faith journey. Some doubted. Some feared. Some needed their perspective changed too.) He knows we need to grow in faith, and the Holy Spirit is amazing because he is willing to help you walk through your unbelief. He will help you believe and trust him. (How encouraging can that get?!) Which means the pressure that you put on yourself is only the enemy making you believe that God is upset with you for not believing him as you think you don't. So he keeps you from being open about how you feel in this waiting. 

Honesty has always been important to Jesus, because it shows humility. It reassures yourself that you need Jesus. That's why it's okay to express yourself as Jesus desires for you to do it more frequently. Whoever told you that you couldn't be honest before our Lord, we rebuke that now. Your emotions matter to him. He never said you couldn't feel. He just knows that he has the wisdom and answers to keep you walking in this season. Your faith is developing and through your honesty, that produces greater intimacy with Jesus. You'll grow into being more comfortable with expressing yourself to him once you keep opening up to him in practice. Cry out to him, tell him you're tired, but be willing to also receive his peace that surpasses your understanding because although you want to let it out, let him fill back in your heart. You will always need it.

So be encouraged to know that Jesus isn't annoyed by your honesty, he's actually quite honored because that's one of his greatest desires of you. He longs to hear you speak to him about what he already knew. 

2. Allow yourself to be weak.

I can't tell you how many times I would pretend I wasn't weak. Listen, All it will do is make things worse and potentially stray you in a different direction than the one God has you on because you haven't invited Jesus in your weakness. One day I boldly said...."Jesus, I normally don't allow myself to be weak, but today I am. Please come into my weakness. I am feeling a little weary today." You don't know how attractive that it to God. (per Michael Todd who preached this wonderful sermon about learning how to be weak.) God loves us too much to keep seeing his children walk around and pretend to be strong when we're barely holding on. The wait can be one of the most enduring seasons, but the Lord's strength always keeps us putting one foot in front of the other. When it comes to weakness, know that that also creates a space for greater intimacy with Jesus. He wants us to come to him when we're weary as he promises to give us rest. (Matthew 11:28)

Your weakness toward your journey and seeing things the way Jesus has showed you is normal. You aren't alone. I can testify and say that my perspective has been attacked constantly since hearing God speak specifically in my life. I feel like I have double the insecurities then I didn't think I had before because what he spoke is beyond me. What God will speak to you will be beyond you. So don't be surprise if all of sudden you feel weak and insecure in this season. 

Does the Lord want you to sit in your weakness for too long? Of course not. But he does want you to acknowledge that you are weak. He gives us the moment to sit with him in our weakness, but we just don't know how to or do we ever really want to. We don't like to sit in what we think isn't going to do much. But it will do the most when God is invited to sit with you. You'll get your strength from him. You'll feel his presence. He'll give you hope again. Just.... "Where are you?!" Jesus wants to set the time to sit quietly with you and he'll ask to bring your weakness too. 

......

This entire journey will teach you so much. It will grow you in so many ways, and when it comes to your difficulties (as I too do have) it makes your testimony more glorifying to the Lord; because our lives were meant to glorify the Father. You very well know the difficulties you face on a daily basis, and asking myself "What happens when you understand the wait but you still have difficulties waiting?" was healing for me. Because I knew I was heard by the Lord. I knew he wanted to get me in this space to where I was the most vulnerable to express myself the deepest. 

It helps me to see the beauty of this Faith Journey; that there will be ups and downs but there will always be the same God standing right there too. So "What Happens?!" Your faith grows. Your identity reaffirmed in Christ. Your character will be developed. Your perspective will be clear. 

Jesus will help you in your time of difficulties waiting on him. As I speak to myself too, believe that this wait is purposeful. God's getting you prepare for what you would have never imagined. He has great plans. So keep going. You got this. Remember to be honest and allow yourself to be weak in his presence when you have those moments of feeling the weight of the wait. 

Take on this:

ARCHOR SCRIPTURE: 

"So now wrap your hearts tightly around the hope that lives within us, knowing that God always keeps his promises!."  Hebrews 10:23 TPT