To the woman who feels.....

INSECURE. 
(Warning: I plan on being transparent.)

"Why do I keep doing this to myself?
If Christ said that I was enough then why don't I feel that within my heart?
What false lie did I believe that made me feel this way?
Who said something that made me feel this way?
What thoughts did I allow to grow in my heart?
What hasn't happened in my life that could be the reason why I feel this way? 
Why do I keep doing this to myself? 
I can't stop thinking about how much I feel inadequate
I need to stop, that's not healthy. 
God says i'm enough, but why don't I still feel that in my heart?
Maybe I know why. 
Maybe I don't.
Maybe I don't want to face the truth.
Maybe I'm afraid to go through the process.
If God again keeps telling me i'm enough, what is my problem with believing it?


 Did you know that the biggest attack we will face daily is insecurity?

And if you knew.... Did you take the time to deal with it? Let's face it. We don't like to get to the root of our insecurities sometimes, we just feel and keep it moving. We say we will deal with them later but somehow you feel the Lord nudging you about them. He cares. And wants you to care enough too.

As women, we feel more than we know, and insecure is the main one. Maybe you don't think so, but you and I both know you felt uneasy at some point about YOU. See, YOU makes the difference that somebody needs in this world, so of course the biggest attack we face daily will always be insecurity.

The most sensitive area of my life is where most of my insecurities rooted from and that is romantic relationships. I'm a 25 year old Single Christian Woman who has never dated nor been in a relationship before. 

"Lord, is there something wrong with me?"

 "Am I not enough or am I too much?"

"What do I need to change about myself so that I can be what somebody wants?" 

"Am I not attractive?"  

"I'm looking in the mirror, double checking to make sure I even look good." 

"Does my body even look desirable? I don't have the so called "bad chick" look."

"He's probably going to think I look like a little girl." 

I will not sit here and write this post without being transparent. I actually had these thoughts. 

I looked at myself as the problem instead of a promise. I questioned my value instead of stewarding over it. I overlooked the blessing of God's protection instead of praising him for it. I made myself feel less than by my choice of thought. I chose to believe I wasn't enough. I chose to believe that I was the lack of the provision. Oh, what thoughts that make you feel insecure. 

God's word is pretty clear about what he says about you. He doesn't look at you in any way a human would. He sees exactly what he created. He didn't create you to be an option in somebody's cart to possibly buy later. He bought you already and has no intentions on putting you back on the market. 

I was that woman who just didn't feel enough. The thought of being single drove me insane. "Lord, Could you have let me at least have some dating experiences? All I was asking for was for God to let me date so that I could cure an insecurity. "If I could just...."  Just what? The desire to relate was feeding into my insecurities. How deceitful to believe that a man pursuing would make me finally believe that I was attractive and worthy. 

I knew I was indeed Christ's Masterpiece. I knew I was chosen and loved. But I didn't feel it. See, here's the thing about "feelings" Feelings are never wise to follow. Feelings can change throughout your day. So if feelings are unstable than why would we be led by them? 

Christ is sure of his Word and sometimes you won't feel what he says to you right away, but it will always be true of you. When you're use to speaking against that truth, you have to give it time to grow. It was hard for me to believe that nothing was wrong with me because I was use to telling myself that it was. What you rehearse becomes your song. 

Maybe you've rehearsed loneliness and unworthiness. That sad tune needs to be given back to Christ, and in him let the process of your healing begin. There is a such thing as healing from insecurities.

"I can't keep doing this to myself. 

I can't talk like this anymore.

My worth is found in Christ.

He is all that I need.

He is the only man I know that doesn't waver in thought about me.

He is my comfort and my life support.

He is my friend. 

I am beautiful. 

I am worth the wait.

I will not be defined by culture and its impatience.   

Sis, I still struggle sometimes, but the more I rehearse his Word over my life, the more it takes roots over all the insecurities I use to speak over myself. I have to let go. I have to surrender. I have to believe that God does have the best for my life and knows exactly what he is doing.

"I can't keep doing this to myself."

As you can see, "I can't keep doing this to myself' is repeated. 

We as woman sometimes have a bad habit of the way we talk and or treat ourselves. 

There is a root to everything we may feel insecure about. For this first exercise I want you to identity the root of your insecurity. You may have multiple, which is okay to confess. You can identity each one of them to keep from growing too deep within your heart.

1. How do you feel about you? 

2. What makes us women feel insecure at times? 

3. Has society made you feel insecure? 

4. Did something happen or did someone say anything to you that made you feel insecure?


Be okay with your honesty. God can handle it so allow yourself to be brave enough to handle it too.
You open up wounds to the right healer and his name is Jesus Christ.

Scriptures of TRUTH to cure your insecurities: 

You're his ambassador. 

"So we are Christ’s ambassadors; God is making his appeal through us. We speak for Christ when we plead, “Come back to God!” | 2 Corinthians 5:20 

You're his masterpiece. 

"For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." | Ephesians 2:10 

You're chosen. 

"You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you." | John 15:16

"But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light." | 1 Peter 2:9 

“You are my witnesses,” declares the Lord, “and my servant whom I have chosen, that you may know and believe me and understand that I am he. Before me no god was formed, nor shall there be any after me. | Isaiah 43:10 

You're loved. 

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life." |  John 3:16 

You're beautiful. 

"I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well." | Psalms 139:14

What happens when you understand the wait but you still have difficulties waiting?

As a believer, God wants us to be sure of his promises for our lives and to believe him for them. But there's one thing that believers struggle to understand most of the time and that's........how to wait. 

Waiting is not the easiest thing to do, especially for a believer in Jesus. ....."It seems like we have to do all this waiting God, what's the fun in this?!" We'll easily get off track with the more complaining we do and the impatient spirit we'll carry if we don't ask Jesus to change our perspective in the wait. 

But what if you did allow him to do that but you still have difficulties waiting? 

So let's talk real. Let's talk raw. Let's be honest.

Just like you may be, I am walking through this season of waiting on the things God has specifically promised me and has it been easy? Of course not. I've had moments of doubting, assuming maybe I heard God wrong, scared that maybe I was just dreaming again. My emotions running wild. It got to the point where I asked the Lord, "Is this you or me? Give me your wisdom." Of course God is faithful, and he did give me his wisdom, and in fact reassured me that what I heard was indeed from him. I was so encouraged. He even gave me some understandings of my current circumstances and about myself that encourage me to understand the wait for what he spoke.

Until one day I utter these words.....

..."Lord, help me keep pushing. I'm growing tired. I keep trying to disqualify myself from your promises because I can't see myself the way you see me. I feel forgotten. And even though I understand the wait is significant, it's hard to even cope sometimes. Give me a fresh wind. Encourage my spirit again. Give me the strength. 

Keep my eyes from worthless things that only amplifies the opposite of waiting for you. I will continue to trust in you, but come and change my perspective again." 


Now how did it go from being sure and encouraged of the wait to that?! Somehow, someway, I lost perspective and got tired. It just seemed like there was always delays happening in my life. I know! I know! I know! I know I need to focus on my relationship with you Lord, continue to develop, and be faithful with the season you have me in but I can't help but to feel annoyed by this process.

What happens when your contentment is running a bit dry in your current season?
What happens when you just can't help but to be honest and say Lord.."I'm tired?" 

Do you too feel this way? Do you too ask questions about your waiting season? Do you need Jesus to help change your perspective again and or for the first time? 

My thousands of "what happens" questions was simply answered: "GREATER INTIMACY" 

Your difficulties waiting produces greater intimacy with Jesus because it creates a space for you and your relationship with him to develop beyond where it is. That's why it's all about perspective in how to deal with your difficulties because of what it will potentially do to your faith. It will either grow your faith or hinder it. So the complaints, confusions, frustrations, weariness, and or whatever you feel has a divine purpose for your greater intimacy with him.

Let me explain further....

1. Be honest. 

Jesus knew that the wait would be challenging for you, that's why he's never annoyed when you want to walk and believe in faith but you struggle a bit to do that. For me, I knew I had a tough time being honest with him. I never wanted Jesus to know how I really felt (as if I could ever hide anything from him) because I assumed he would think I didn't believe him for what he said. 

Listen... Jesus knows that you believe him, but also knew the walk behind it. He never expected any of us to step into this thing 110% in faith, he meant for our faith walk to be a journey. (notice the characters in the bible all had a faith journey. Some doubted. Some feared. Some needed their perspective changed too.) He knows we need to grow in faith, and the Holy Spirit is amazing because he is willing to help you walk through your unbelief. He will help you believe and trust him. (How encouraging can that get?!) Which means the pressure that you put on yourself is only the enemy making you believe that God is upset with you for not believing him as you think you don't. So he keeps you from being open about how you feel in this waiting. 

Honesty has always been important to Jesus, because it shows humility. It reassures yourself that you need Jesus. That's why it's okay to express yourself as Jesus desires for you to do it more frequently. Whoever told you that you couldn't be honest before our Lord, we rebuke that now. Your emotions matter to him. He never said you couldn't feel. He just knows that he has the wisdom and answers to keep you walking in this season. Your faith is developing and through your honesty, that produces greater intimacy with Jesus. You'll grow into being more comfortable with expressing yourself to him once you keep opening up to him in practice. Cry out to him, tell him you're tired, but be willing to also receive his peace that surpasses your understanding because although you want to let it out, let him fill back in your heart. You will always need it.

So be encouraged to know that Jesus isn't annoyed by your honesty, he's actually quite honored because that's one of his greatest desires of you. He longs to hear you speak to him about what he already knew. 

2. Allow yourself to be weak.

I can't tell you how many times I would pretend I wasn't weak. Listen, All it will do is make things worse and potentially stray you in a different direction than the one God has you on because you haven't invited Jesus in your weakness. One day I boldly said...."Jesus, I normally don't allow myself to be weak, but today I am. Please come into my weakness. I am feeling a little weary today." You don't know how attractive that it to God. (per Michael Todd who preached this wonderful sermon about learning how to be weak.) God loves us too much to keep seeing his children walk around and pretend to be strong when we're barely holding on. The wait can be one of the most enduring seasons, but the Lord's strength always keeps us putting one foot in front of the other. When it comes to weakness, know that that also creates a space for greater intimacy with Jesus. He wants us to come to him when we're weary as he promises to give us rest. (Matthew 11:28)

Your weakness toward your journey and seeing things the way Jesus has showed you is normal. You aren't alone. I can testify and say that my perspective has been attacked constantly since hearing God speak specifically in my life. I feel like I have double the insecurities then I didn't think I had before because what he spoke is beyond me. What God will speak to you will be beyond you. So don't be surprise if all of sudden you feel weak and insecure in this season. 

Does the Lord want you to sit in your weakness for too long? Of course not. But he does want you to acknowledge that you are weak. He gives us the moment to sit with him in our weakness, but we just don't know how to or do we ever really want to. We don't like to sit in what we think isn't going to do much. But it will do the most when God is invited to sit with you. You'll get your strength from him. You'll feel his presence. He'll give you hope again. Just.... "Where are you?!" Jesus wants to set the time to sit quietly with you and he'll ask to bring your weakness too. 

......

This entire journey will teach you so much. It will grow you in so many ways, and when it comes to your difficulties (as I too do have) it makes your testimony more glorifying to the Lord; because our lives were meant to glorify the Father. You very well know the difficulties you face on a daily basis, and asking myself "What happens when you understand the wait but you still have difficulties waiting?" was healing for me. Because I knew I was heard by the Lord. I knew he wanted to get me in this space to where I was the most vulnerable to express myself the deepest. 

It helps me to see the beauty of this Faith Journey; that there will be ups and downs but there will always be the same God standing right there too. So "What Happens?!" Your faith grows. Your identity reaffirmed in Christ. Your character will be developed. Your perspective will be clear. 

Jesus will help you in your time of difficulties waiting on him. As I speak to myself too, believe that this wait is purposeful. God's getting you prepare for what you would have never imagined. He has great plans. So keep going. You got this. Remember to be honest and allow yourself to be weak in his presence when you have those moments of feeling the weight of the wait. 

Take on this:

ARCHOR SCRIPTURE: 

"So now wrap your hearts tightly around the hope that lives within us, knowing that God always keeps his promises!."  Hebrews 10:23 TPT

Love Letter to Jesus

Dear Jesus,

“I love you, and when I can’t seem to understand anything that’s happening right now, help me to still express my love for you because you’re still good. Thank you for standing with me in the storm. Thank you for always encouraging my faith when I’m growing weary. Thank you for always believing in me. You’re the reason I’m still here. You’re the reason why I have life. You’re the reason why I’ll still keep going when it’s the hardest to. Continue to change my perspective in what I’m waiting and believing you for, and help me to never forget what you said. Teach me to trust in you deeper. Teach me to walk with you step by step, never to get ahead of you.

I love you because you’re the only one that gets me, you understand all there is to know about me and still have chosen me for such a time as this. What can I do for you? How can I better represent you? I want to take myself out of the equation for a moment, because the more I continue to focus on myself and my circumstances, I’m missing the point of your delighting in your beauty. 

Jesus, you’re beautiful. You’re the greatest best friend and I know you know what’s best for me. So why can’t my heart be at ease? Why do I always double check with what I know you’ll do for me, as if you’ve forgotten? You don’t forget anything. You hear every prayer. You collect all of my  tears. You pray earnestly for me. I matter so much to you. So what better way than to express my love back. Sometimes, I can’t find the words to say, and most times I press into expressing my love when I don’t feel like it because you’re worth it. Forever you reign. Forever you’re the friend that I can always count on. Thank you for everything you’ve done and will continue to do for me.”

Love,
Desjané

Now it’s your turn. Don’t overthink. Pour out your heart to Jesus.

Sometimes we can put a formula in our expression for Jesus, but he never asked it to be so routined, he just wants pure honesty from the heart. He knows what you daily go through, and still he is worthy of such love expression.

I  know you’re thinking most about your circumstances, brokenness, and anything else that has kept you from praising Jesus even though, but I believe writing love letters to Jesus will connect our heart to his on a deeper level and I believe that it is within your letters to him, that whatever you felt was left out and empty, Jesus can refill. He will show up for you every time.

For me, I have such an imagination that’s broad. It’s a blessing and sometimes can be a curse. But I had to learn how to surrender my imagination to Jesus, because when I do, I see myself sitting with him, and him wrapping his arm around me in the midst of my brokenness, confusion, and needing his strength. I see us laughing and talking. I see us enjoying each other’s company. Because he put that image there, and that’s what inspired me to start writing love letters to him because he reads them and I imagine him reading them.

Jesus loves you where you are. He didn’t ask you to set a date where you show up perfect.
He didn’t ask you to overthink what you write in your letter to him. He just loves you on how you express yourself to him. He just wants to hear your voice and poetic ways that’s all directed to him.

Let us not allow what we go through to interfere with your intimacy with Jesus. By faith, write that letter to Jesus anyway. 

Let’s make it a habit to write to Jesus even though.
We all have moments of not wanting to be real with Jesus, because some days I’m just tired. I’m annoyed. I’m not in the mood. I respond out of my emotions. I don’t feel like being bothered or even saying Thank you to Jesus sometimes because ultimately it was because of something that just didn’t happen the way I wanted it to or because my circumstances got my attention more than Jesus. There are a lot of things that are happening that suck and hard to even see a way through. But when I press to still love on Jesus, I know that he’ll see me through. I know that he’ll encourage me. I know that he’ll give me wisdom because he’s always been there.

So go write that letter to Jesus, sit quietly, listen for his voice, and enjoy it. If it’s going to be new for you, don’t stress or rely on the feelings of “I don’t feel anything yet” because those feelings can eventually discourage you, but also remember that those feelings are just feelings. So that means your feelings change every time. Focus in on how Jesus will meet you. Get creative with it. And I guarantee you that you’ll get use to how you write to him and spend time.

When you’re sad, write to Jesus. When you’re mad, write to Jesus. When you’re happy, write to Jesus. Whatever state you’re in, always remember that Jesus can handle it. He just wants to hear from you. Write on love.

Remind me again Lord...

I believe that when you're the most vulnerable, transparent, and open about how you feel; there is a greater intimacy that takes place in the presence of God. Because he cares about us so intimately, he wants even our most insecure thoughts to be presented to him without question. He knows when we struggle to see ourselves the way he does and knows when we're weak with just trying to study the Word of God again about what he says.

Have you ever been so confident about who God says you are but somehow on a random moment of the day, it seems that confidence starts to wear off? All of a sudden you start feeling the opposite of what God just said to you. 

I have admitted to the Lord that sometimes I struggle with reminding myself of who he says I am, and that I'm a little weak mentally when it comes to taking in on other things verses reading the Word. I know I need to be reading the word, but instead I'm focused on everything else that can eventually leave the door open for Satan to say anything and I'll believe it.

In this season, God begin speaking to me in regards to my future. He begin to show snippets of what's to come and there are things that God got specific about that blew my mind. I couldn't believe some of the stuff that he was revealing. But it was in the reveal, that he begin to expose the insecurities I didn't even know I had. Countless of "how's" "but's" and childhood memories of being told I look like a baby all my life, or being too short, spoke louder than what God just said. When he started speaking in regards to believing him for that future spouse, all I could think about was "Will somebody think i'm his little sister?" "Or am I even this or that?

The #1 question us believers have is "Am I enough?" And I feel like the Lord chuckles because he's used to this familiar place with his children. And I believe he purposely speaks to us a little about our destiny so that we can deal with those roots of lies we've been carrying for too long. He knows that insecurity you've had for years can't go into the promise land. He knows that fear you've had would continue to hinder the greater God does have for you.

Trust me, I've had my moments of wondering how and why God even thought of me as such. (let's keep it real.) We all are aware that God has bigger and more for our lives, and when he really starts to speak and share secrets from heaven about us, we get a little timid, wondering how in the heck does God see me as this. He's obviously the God that sees beyond what we can see. So that's why he wants us to invite him again into those thoughts of feeling insignificant, unworthy, and not enough. Because he knows that he is the only one that can uproot what makes us feel the way we do and replace it with his truth.

Remind me again Lord.... 

...."I'm struggling to see myself as the woman that you've created me to be among the nations for your glory, the wife that will be the best helpmeet that she can be for her husband, the woman who you say doesn't have to put extra touches to herself because you told her that she was your masterpiece."

..."I'm struggling to accept that I am enough, I always feel like I need to do something extra to prove a point or make an appeal just so people can notice that I too, matter. So remind me again Lord... Remind me that you're my good, good father who created such an original that will never be duplicated. Keep my heart and mind on your word when I'm tempted to think otherwise about myself. Keep me near you when I'm second guessing my purpose." 

Jesus is faithful with reminding you of who you are. 

I remember praying in my quiet time and the Lord gave me this vision of him uprooting dead roots from the ground. And he said that for 2020, I'm getting ready to uproot any bad fruits and dead weeds that have been living within my children for too long, but they must first acknowledge that they have them and let me work the rest out. 

God is a gentleman, and he sees what needs work but he can never start the work unless we invite him in to do it. He cares so much that he will continue to poke at that insecurity, that fear, worry, whatever it may be for you, because he is ready to heal it. He is ready to speak life into it. He is ready to plant his good word, so that it may be deeply rooted. He loves you.

So.. Remind me again Lord... 

..."I struggle to wake up and read the Word first thing in the morning, and that's what causes my identity to be vulnerable to receive anything. You don't want that for me. Let your word softly mend my heart and transform every insecurity I've ever carried."

As it is now 2020, 

I believe that God is about to do some amazing, mind-blowing things this year and it takes his children's attentiveness, yielded soul, and obedience for God to reeaaallly do some mind-blowing stuff that he already had planned. But it also takes us to be humble and just say..."Remind me again Lord..." because we must know who we are walking into this year confidently. Everyday, ASK HIM. It's okay to do that. It's okay to feel unsure and go back running to the Father. He wants that. He loves that because he knows what he is going to do what that which is weaken, because it is by his strength we're more than a conquerer. He gets the greater glory so let's let him get that.

So my encouragement to you on this 1st day of the new decade is walk with the Lord in your "Remind me again Lord..." moments. Those times will be the most intimate times that will help you build a deeper and closer relationship with the Lord.  

HAPPY NEW YEAR BEAUTIFUL!!! #2020

GOD IS FAITHFUL BECAUSE DAILY HE WILL REMIND YOU AGAIN OF WHO HE SAYS YOU ARE TO SUSTAIN YOU FOR THIS ENTIRE YEAR AND FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!

For I am Completely Open.

It's the hard thing such as being "OPEN" that will produce greater intimacy.  

When you willingly allow yourself to be completely open to God, you give him full access.

You expose insecurities, concerns, issues, sins, fears. The very existence of who you are; as you present yourself to your very own creator who delights into what he already knows about you. 

When open, you give him room to teach you how to confront your insecurities, fears, and any other goliaths. He shows the warrior inside of you. He wants a deeper connection to help expose rotten fruits. 

How open are we now with God?

Let's fact it, it's difficult. There are a few obstacles we must overcome. 

What may be some of the reasons we have a hard time being completely open before God? 

1. Our willingness to clean up before we answer his knock.  

"Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends." Revelations 3:20 

Our first impression of knowing God wants to intimately be apart of our lives is trying to make sure we're clean before he comes knocking. Jesus wants to make his home in our hearts."But it's dirty God?" We want to make sure that we are prepared, and little do we realize its our stress within the preparation that makes us not even want to meet with him at all. We think too much of our issues and or sins and assume we have to clean the mess in order for Christ to even deal with us. See, the purpose of him wanting to make a home in your heart is for the very purpose of being the only one that wants to clean it up. Jesus will sit right in the middle of your mess. But you must be open to allow him to sit there. 

He says, "You don't have to feel responsible for your mess because i've already taken care of that. I just want to sit with you, regardless of what's in the way of me sitting on your couch. I WILL move it out the way so that our time isn't interrupted.  Let's still sit and talk. I just desire for you to be open with me. But that's if you let me in." 

"God is a gentleman. He's not going to invade your life, you're going to have to let him in." - 

Michael Todd 

We have to let Christ in completely because in doing so, we give him access to areas that are broken and needs the most work. I can remember purposely not answering the knock on my heart because I just didn't feel ready. I didn't think that I could speak to him at a time like that because I was still living in my habitual sin. Those sins kept me out of his presence, and every time he knocked. I would play it off as if he wasn't there. And Jesus still wouldn't leave because of his unconditional love and knowing what I needed. I think it makes Jesus laugh when we scramble all over the place, trying to throw things behind the couch, under the bed, and anywhere else just to make it seem like we were clean in the first place. He chuckles at the thought of his children trying to doing so much on their own because he just cares so darn much to help. 

God knocks because he cares. If there's an issue with one of his children, he'll make it his business to see what's wrong. Sure, you may be thinking.. "God knows what I am already going through, there isn't a reason to talk about it." But it is when you do talk about it with him, that something supernaturally intervenes and becomes the hope that you've been looking for. It's being open and direct about the matters of your heart with him that produces that greater intimacy.

I remember being on my way to work when the Lord spoke to me and said, "I'm available to you 24 hours a day, if you want to talk to me about the sun. Let's talk about the sun. If you want to talk to me about this bus ride, that's about the make you miss your next bus. We can talk about that. It's the little conversations that still matters to me too and it's within those little conversations that you will begin to believe more that I stay with you and do delight in your conversations with me." 

God never meant for our relationship with him to be complicated. Its relationship when you speak about anything, and you know your heart is directed to him. Think about how he delights in that? Sometimes things can be practical such as making it your business to invite the Holy Spirit with you everywhere you go, every morning. When we acknowledge the Holy Spirit and allow him to have access to everywhere we go, we are making more room for the more personal stuff he wants to get access to. 

Think of your bestfriend.. What's your energy like when you speak to her/him? Doesn't it give you joy when you are able to just pour your heart out to your bestfriend? And why do you pour your heart out to your bestfriend? Because you believe that you can tell your bestfriend anything right? Because you trust your bestfriend with the information you will share? 

That same amount of energy you give to your bestfriend is the same energy Jesus would love to have. I got convicted by writing that because I love my bestfriend and I would tell her anything, but I also thought about the openness I wanted to share with Christ. In my mind I would go "I really want to give Jesus that same energy!!." And weeks leading up to this blog post, God has been dealing with the matters of my heart and have been teaching me how to be open with him. He said to me, "Don't be afraid to open up to me about anything. I'm not like human beings, who will speak badly about or against you after you've spent that moment being vulnerable." 

2. Our Vulnerability being abused. 

Have you've been vulnerable enough to people that somehow abused it? And you've harden your heart? You don't feel comfortable speaking about anything in your life anymore because you are scared someone is going to use it against you?

I understand your heart when I touch on this subject because I am such a vulnerable person. I would speak about the things that are going on in my life and feel too opened in the end because of those feelings of "being misunderstood" I felt like I opened up to the wrong people then, but God gave me wisdom to know that you won't always open up to everyone nor try to get anybody to understand you. They will understand you on the level they choose to perceive. What God is more concerned about is your level of openness with him. When you shut out your vulnerability, you didn't notice you shut it out from God. He wanted to be the one you poured your heart out to daily. Granted, God will place the right people in your life that will sincerely care for you and you will be able to speak with them about what's going on. But making sure that you are just as open with him is the most important. 

Again, it's the hard thing such as being open, that will produce greater intimacy.

It's hard being completely open to God. We don't know how nor do we think about it. But always remember that the greater depth of intimacy with God is complete honesty.  Be honest with God in telling him that you just can't seem to be as open as you desire me to be. Speak directly from that place of what will embarrass you to say and know that God is not embarrassed by your honesty, he's flattered. Honestly is the first key to that greater intimacy. It's making the first step that adds to a greater journey. It's running to him that makes the difference from when you were use to running to that friend or family member. 

It's allowing your heart to be humbled before the Lord and giving him the chance to pour in truth to you so that your trust is solely in him. 

The fact that our lives is completely known by God, there is nothing we could possibly keep from him. Therefore, Let us welcome him back into our business. Welcome him back into the deepest parts of ourselves that we've enclosed from him. Let's welcome him back to everything. 

Dear Lord,

Help us to be completely open to you. Your unconditional love is what keeps us going. We've got a friend in you. Your complete loyalty and support keeps us in your presence that we never get tired of sharing every moment with you. I pray that we open ourselves like we've never done before. Get in the areas that we've shut off from you and help us to trust you. Help us to know that you listen and you care. You don't take anything we say to you and run with it. You hold that dear to your heart and you take care of it. You remind us that we are your children and that you will never leave us. Help us to see intimacy with you on a greater level, and to remember that even the small things matter to you. You never miss a moment and you never want us to miss one too. 

In Jesus Name' Amen 

"Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God's love and keep you strong." Ephesians 3:17 

Ways to work at maintaining your peace.

"Turn away from evil and do good. Search for peace, and work to maintain it." Psalm 34:14

As you may know, Peace is one of the fruits of the spirit that our lovable Christ Jesus has left us with as a gift, (John 14:27) and even when we've received that gift, by faith, I believe working to maintain it is the next big thing that should take place. 

In our very own lives, we all have something we desire to have peace about. Maybe its with family, certain relationships, circumstances, whatever the case may be we just want the peace of God to overwhelm us concerning our lives. Take a moment to look at your life honesty and ask yourself.. "Am I at peace?" and if not "What is it that I need to ask God for his peace about?"

As we continue to walk with God, we'll realize certain phases of our lives that teaches us how to learn to choose peace no matter what it feels like. Seems hard doesn't it? Well, honestly it is as hard as you make it. And that's one thing I want to talk with you about. How to maintain your peace in a chaotic world that wants you to just lose it. Did you know that even the smallest things we don't seem to realize can disturb our peace? Such as Social media, somebody else's business, or things we know we have no control over. Let's discuss these ways to maintain your peace. 

1. Breaks from social media. 

Social Media has the unfortunate power to control and define people. Base on what we view, we feed into what we think we need to keep up with, to whom we compare ourselves to, and why our lives aren't perfectly matching the "so-called" perfect lives on our timelines. It's quite overwhelming sort to speak isn't it? Trying to keep up with the world is hectic. Especially when you know you have such a special call on your life, the last thing the Lord wants you to do is try to keep up. That's why breaks from social media produces peace. 

I can testify. When I have off days from work, I find it peaceful to just take some moments away from my phone to just rest; spending quiet time with the Lord, maybe watching some shows, (preferably cartoons; I somehow find peace in that! Haha) but just doing something other than scrolling on social media most of the time. I've found peace in saying, "It's okay to take a break from the world." Watch what it does spiritually when you challenge yourself in that manner. Part of the reason I've been so eager about taking breaks is because I wasn't guarding my heart while scrolling. I was in transition at the time and completely vulnerable; allowing myself to compare to other followers. I felt miserable, tired, and exhausted trying to find understanding to my current season. But I knew I wasn't going to get it from social media, because that left opportunities for the enemy to plant bad seeds. 

I knew I needed to step away and make that a habit. Whether if it is an hour or two.  Stepping away felt amazing. It helps you to realize that there's more to life than what you see on your screen. It helps you to refocus on what's more important. I was overwhelmed by all the great news I was seeing down my timeline, I couldn't congratulate honestly because I didn't have peace with where I was at. Indeed, the breaks were necessary to refocus on God and where he had me. Peace couldn't be found in scrolling nor could my identity either. And it took honesty with myself to find my peace and to maintain it by taking those breaks. 

Have you allowed social media to take away your peace in any way, shape, or form? 

If so, it's okay to take breaks. Your mental health matters. The matters of your heart are cared for. God wants you to live in peace. We won't let social media disturb our peace, we will guard our hearts and maintain the peace God has given us. Always remember that the world can wait;  Your peace is important and "Me Time" is imperative.  

2. Minding your own business. 

If you suffer, however, it must not be for murder, stealing, making trouble, or prying into other people’s affairs. - 1 Peter 4:15 

I don't think people understand the power of minding your own business and the peace that it produces when doing so.The most tempting place to pry around is at your workplace. There's always going to be something going on with another co-worker that you'll eventually end up gossiping with someone about. 

Prying: excessively interested in a person's private affairs; too inquisitive. 

With a guilty conscience (but not with a condemned spirit) I can testify and say that I have been at work like..."What happened?!" "Who said what? Who did what?"  Dying to know all the facts that i'll eventually move on from later anyways. It's almost like "What's my point?" Some things can be avoided, for the purposes of what it could lead to. Always knowing what's going on causes unnecessary drama that you weren't meant to be part of. When I got myself involved into someone else's problem at work, it felt like it became my own and it made me furious. It did nothing but cause drama that took away the peace within the environment and with each other. It was such a great conviction to really lay low and get back focused on why God has me there in the first place. 

When you're focused on God, you don't really have time to feed into business that doesn't involve you. You purposely stay away because you know what it could cause, you know how it can lead to stress. With minding my own business, it taught me how to even be careful with whom I choose to be in conversation with. If that person is always speaking negative about other co-workers, 9 times out of 10, that person isn't wise to engage with, especially when you're working on maintaining your peace. I'm working on being more vocal about changing the subject or just letting them know that i'm not interested in such negativity. When seeking to have a positive day, you have the right to protect that goal. You maintain your peace when your armor is fully set. You are in control of what you allow in your heart. We pray to bring the peace of God to work. And maybe it isn't always peaceful at your workplace, the peace you've developed with the Lord at home, carry with you always, despite of current vibes you may feel at work. Go with the mindset of minding yours, and the next time you feel tempted to know what's going on, remind yourself how pleasing it is to God to not get involved into other's affairs and of the peace you wish to maintain.

Reading that scripture set the tone of how I should daily approach going to work; it really does maintain the peace of God when you focus on him and the tasks that are given to you. How many of us have been involved into someone else's business and it became stressful? I pray that you know prying around does nothing but add disturbance to your peace. I pray that we begin to continue focusing on God and where he has us, and maintain that peace that came along with it. 

3. Letting go of things we have no control over. 

I don't know about you, but sometimes I can be a little of a control freak. I like to settle situations on a happy note, if a conflict arises. I like to try to make matters to a lot circumstances in my life that the Lord consistently reminds me that I have no control over. If we're honest, how many of us try to take control of the things only we know God can fix and do? 

Can I share something with you? When I mentioned "settling situations on a happy note, when a conflict arises" I have a heart of caring, that became a little overwhelming because I had no control of how that person felt or the decisions they decided to make. The last time I tried to do that, I was at work, and I had a talk with my manager and the most highlighting thing he told me was, "You can't fix everything." I sat and pondered on that for a few, and realized that indeed, I can't. I got into a situation (That wasn't my business to begin with, (prying around) and let's just say things got taken out of proportion and hostility was aimed towards me, which I didn't take lightly. I felt I could fix the problem by just talking it out, defending myself and clearing my name out of such foolishness but it didn't go quite as planned and that frustrated me. 

The situation led to the conversation with my manager. I later took that advice home with me to notice the peace that it brought when I realized how much control I don't have about how someone feels about me. How that person felt was their decision to stick with, I can't change that person's feelings. I felt I could at least get understanding, but sometimes that doesn't even work. Has this ever happened to you? Have you ever wanted someone to just understand you? Or depending on the situation, you wanted them to at least understand where you are coming from? And did you notice the peace that you've lost trying to get understanding?

In order for me to maintain my peace, I had to understand that not everyone will get me nor will they care neither. And that's okay. I couldn't make this person understand me even if I tried to convince this person a thousand times. Would that person take advantage of the situation and truly listen or only care about how they're feeling in the moment and don't care to change it? Whatever they decide shouldn't affect you. I let what I couldn't control affect me. But I love how God gives us greater revelations as to how to maintain our peace in understanding that he takes care of everything. Even our smallest situations that we may feel God brushes off. Nope. He takes care of that too. He gives you peace too about other circumstances you may have tried to take control over as well. He allowed this situation to happen to remind me that he's still in control and that the only person that really understands us is him. And he's the only one that will fully understand you. 

You are unique in your own special way and that keeps peace running through your veins when you accept that you're God's child who has no control of the things we know God can only do. We know that peace runs through our veins when we let God have all of our situations. When we accept that everyone isn't meant to be in our lives the way we intend certain people to, for that we can give God praise for revealing who isn't there for us. Whatever it is in your life, I pray that you give it to him to maintain the peace that he gives to you.

You deserve to be at peace and I pray these few ways helped you be mindful of how to maintain your peace. Sure, you may have other ways too that helps you to maintain your peace, go for that. Never allow anyone or anything take away your peace. I was at my breaking point and was tired of my peace always being disturbed by something unexpected and small. But even when it'll still happen, I can fight back, protecting my peace the best way I can possible. Let us maintain our peace. In Jesus Name' Amen.  

The "What about me?" Spirit.

Have you ever had the "What about me?" spirit? This spirit is known for its impatience, it's lack of focus, and comparing ways. This spirit makes you feel like you're forgotten and lets you believe that there is nothing truly amazing nor purposeful about you. This spirit will have you questioning God nonstop, and prepares you to turn your back on him. But who said this spirit can have authority to do all of these things? Especially as a woman of God. Who said that this spirit can achieve all that it was designed to accomplish? To be honest? We ourselves have fallen for this lie. But be not dismay, we can fight back this ungodly spirit.

There are 3 things I mentioned above that says what the spirit was known for. Let's go through those 3 ways to help you better understand and recognize that spirit to then proceed in fighting back this spirit.

1. Impatience.

When scrolling through Social Media, if you see stories of someone's blessings all down your timeline, bitterness will take root and later will be shot towards God. You'll get impatience with God because you feel like he is moving faster in somebody else's life than yours. You'll wonder where he has been all this time. It becomes a heart condition when impatience takes it opportunity to plant. Satan is ready to get you impatient with God, because he knows how valuable your purpose is. So, he will make you question God over and over again when it seems your time with him and obeidence to him lacks provision for what's next. But who said it lacked provision? Could it be delayed for the purposes of God's protection? Could it not be the right timing? When did God ever say that he will not complete what he started in you? What made you so impatient?

If I can be honest, I too, had a season of impatience. I was almost a year into growing in my relationship with Christ, and he had just revealed some amazing things that involved purpose to me, and I got so excited that I assumed that God was ready to launch everything right away.  I felt that I knew what, when, where, and how to do it. Without being still to listen to the Holy Spirit say "slow down, my daughter. You're not quite ready yet." I eventually ran into a "What about me?" Spirit. I saw all my other singer/songwriter colleagues gigging, EP's being released, etc and I looked at where I was currently, and started to asked "Well, why isn't any doors opening for me? What about me? I thought you said that you had great plans for me." I feel the same way about ministry, I believed God called me to ministry and I felt like things weren't going the way I thought they would be. It wasn't until later, I realized that I was operating in the "I want everything right now" spirit too. I needed the wisdom to help me understand that when you're in the will of God, he works on his timing because he loves you. He knows that the timing you try to put on him will be detrimental to your purpose. See, if God was to grant every promise to us early,  we would crash at the thought of trying to take care of everything at one time. We would've been prematurely operating in our purposes. God takes his precious time developing you for a reason, and when we can't seem to grasp that, we wonder where he is and what he is doing, when in reality, he's being a good father and preparing you. You just can't see nor believe it, because your heart has drifted away from God due to impatience.

So sis, if you're struggling with patience, I want to remind you that God is never slow with his promises. He knows exactly what he is doing and I know it may seem frustrating at times but I want to encourage you to stay the course with God. Watching other people's lives will only cause more damage to your spirit and lack of belief in God. God designed you to be you. Your purpose is yours. No one else can steal that from you, but as you know, the enemy is here to steal, kill, and destroy. So  "impatience" is one of his tactics to use. Don't let him plant that bad seed inside of you; We bind impatience in the name of Jesus. Always remember, 

"Blessed is she who believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her." - Luke 1:45 

2. Lack of Focus. 

When your purpose has so much value, name one of the enemy's most powerful tactics? "YOUR FOCUS." He tries steals the focus of God's people because he knows that when you're focus, you're the most powerful. You can defeat him. You can cast him and his little demons out. He will have no authority over your life nor purpose. So, the enemy throws millions of distractions your way. He creates roadblocks that may seem like you should just turn around and go back. Go back to the life you use to live. Go back to your old ways of living. Go back to those old bad habits. But who is he? How can we let him take our focus like this? Sure. We're human. We get distracted sometimes, but we have the power through Jesus Christ to resist that temptation. The "What about me?" spirit will reinforce your lack of focus. Always wondering "what about me?" will take your focus off of Christ and onto everything else around you.

Honey, God has been putting the emphasis on Social Media since I've started writing this blog. And the reason being is because we tend to lose focus the most by what we see on social media. If social media has become a place for you to gather all the information of someone else and feel bitter about it? Then honey, it's time for you to take a break. It's robbing you of your focus on God. You can't control what anyone puts on social media, but you can guard your heart. You can take that break until you're content with where God has you in this season AND are confident that God is working on your behalf even when you can't see the provision right now. Satan is crafty with how he wants to distract you. 

It can be that man you're with that deep down in your heart you know isn't God's best for you, the latest trend, gossip about celebrities, etc. It can be anything that has your mind wrapped around it. 

So, as you continue to grow in Christ and operate in what he has called you to do, know that the attacks of your focus will happen but also know that you have the authority to fight back. I too, had a hard time fighting back distractions. I felt that once i'm distracted, it's hard to get back focus. I'll be in it and next thing I know, my attention is somewhere else. Satan knows your weaknesses that involves your focus. If you read my previous blog post, I talked about Michael Jackson. I get easily distracted about Michael Jackson because i'm such an enthusiast of him. Do I need self-control? Absolutely. When it comes to the will of God, there is some disciplines we must grow into even when its the toughest to do, but God's word can testify...

"No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way." - Hebrews 12:11

We bind a lack of focus in the name of Jesus. We're so powerful; words can't describe. Through Jesus Christ, we're more than conquerors. Those distractions will not take the place of progression in our walk with Christ and identifying purpose. 

3. Comparison. 

The "What about me?" spirit is rooted off of comparison. We look at other people's lives all day through social media and subconsciously make comparisons from where we are. "What is it that she has that I don't have?" "She has more than I do." "She must be really blessed to have what she has." And many more.... But all of those thoughts? Are deadly to your lane, purpose, and identity. Let's all admit that we stare too long on someone's page and plant those "Wow.. She must this or that.. or how this or that.." And little do we know, it is planting those seeds of comparison. It shows us our hearts and where we stand with God. How convicting?! That jealous spirit doesn't belong to God. Because we all play a part in the body of Christ, our calling is much as significant as the person you're comparing yourself to. This all connects to "its lack of focus" and "impatience" ...

Your focus is on the fact that this person has what she has and is doing what she is doing and it looks good to you. But let me encourage you sister to start discerning. Discern who you're coveting under, because not everyone may be following Christ and may be gaining her success from a worldly perspective. 

Your impatience is on the fact that this person has what you want to happen for yourself. Which is those "abundant blessings", but that relates also to being careful who you're coveting under. And can I be honest with you? You're living in abundant blessings. God has his sweet hand on you. Jesus Christ died for you. There are so many abundant blessings that we take for granted, the little ones that don't seem to matter huh? Well, I challenge you to sit quietly before the Lord and really look at where you are and be grateful for what he has done. Count every little blessing. It will change the position of your heart, and you'll grow to be more gracious to the Lord. 

As self-explanatory as it can get, know that comparison kills. Let us not compare our lives to anyone else anymore. Let's stay in our lanes and love, serve, and honor God where we are. I heard from a wise woman of God that "You don't know what that person sacrificed to be where they are today." It may be a Christian Woman that you follow and somehow you still compare yourself to them. Well, always remember that her sacrifices for the Lord got her where she is today to inspire you. For that person to make you feel like she's your very own mentor is exactly why staying in your lane is important because you too, may be someone's answered prayer. Let's stop this comparison. Let's pray for patience. Let's get back focus. 

"Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else. 5 For we are each responsible for our own conduct." - Galatians 6:4-5