To the woman who feels.... Part 3

Anxious about the Future 

"I want to know what's next God.

I can't stand not being able to see what's ahead 

I like to have some sense of understanding 

But I get it! Is that really faith if I knew everything? 

I know your word says to trust you with all my heart and not lean on my understanding, 

But I can't help but wonder. 

It seems like life is going down hill, so what's your plan? 

I need a sign. I need wisdom.

I know. I know. I just need to relax and trust you." 

Everyone cringes over the lack of knowing what's next. Follower of Jesus or not. It drives us up the wall. We seek God anxiously for clarity, wisdom, and direction and it feels like you're not getting anywhere. The promises that God spoke over you suddenly seems blurry and feels like everything is drying up around you. You have to hold on to your faith, but you can't help to admit that you're anxious about how God is actually going to show up in your life. The next season seems so far away. You make up scenarios & visualize the best way to get some sort of possibility into your next. I don't know if that may be you. But it most certainly is me. 

I have such a broad imagination and I'm training myself not to treat it as a curse. Because to be honest, it can try and get in the way of allowing God to truly blow my mind with his plans. God has shared promises that I'm so excited for, that all of a sudden I feel anxious about. Why? Because I didn't realize that it is in the in-between transitions that God grows your faith, develops your character, and molds/shapes you. The in-between is the place where we're tempted to think about the "how" when God is most interesting in your refining. See, God shares the promise..we get excited..but we naively dismiss the process to the promise. Yikes. Could that be why we're all anxious? 

We don't feel like sitting and receiving. We don't feel like enduring and growing. We want the promise now. We're ready to see it happen. "You have a bright future for me Lord, you said so yourself, but why is it taking so long?" "What am I suppose to do right now? "Can you give me the next step?" "I can't see what you're doing and it's freaking me out?!" 

Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding." Proverbs 3:5

But what does it look like not to depend on your own understanding?

Does that mean not to ask God too many questions? 

Does that mean not to think about it? 

How do we know we're trusting the Lord with our whole hearts?

Is being concerned an indication that I'm not trusting the Lord? 

I know. These are questions I still ask myself today too. We want to trust God but have you ever asked him what does it look like? When it comes to trusting God, I don't think it's by a matter of feeling, I believe it's the matter of knowing him. Do you know that he is all knowing? Do you believe that he is working all things out for your good? Do you know that he has a hope and a future for you? Maybe those profound truths aren't enough to calm your anxious soul. You feel you work well with having to know every step. Maybe you're the planner and it's bothers you not to have a plan together. Its like God is interfering with your normalcy of needing to know all the time.

In your walk of faith, God has a way of putting you in situations that requires you to trust him. I can only speak for myself in saying that he has exhausted all possibilities as to how I thought he was going to show up in my life. I got upset countless times thinking God was going to show up one way and wind-up showing up in another. It was his way of reminding me that I don't know his every move. I'm not suppose to. It requires trust. God will surprise you in a heartbeat, answering that prayer in such a space where you didn't think he would. 

I don't know about you, but this pandemic has seriously put my faith into place. I'm learning to live in the "I don't know" and being okay with it. It's very hard and isn't comfortable at all. But it's going to be okay. If you're anxious about your future, I want to share the two main encouragements that is helping even myself right now.

1. Practice remembering what God has already done for you and how far you've came.

You wanna know the greatest way to bless the heart of God? Is to remember. Remember that he is good. Remember that he's brought you from a long way. God does a lot for his children. He does more than we could ever think of and when I remember that, I would say "You should be ashamed of yourself for how you've dismissed what God has done for you" but God doesn't like when I condemn myself (so don't beat yourself up) just take a minute to pause and remember. Allow his presence to reassure you that he never left even when it feels like he left you in a dry place. He's still working. He's still thinking about you and strategically handling things that you couldn't handle for yourself. Your journey isn't over by one season. He has more in store. But I believe he create space for us to intentionally remember because it's important. It's there, peace begins to well within your soul. 

Remember that you have to put it into practice in order to remain within God's rest. The enemy is quick to snatch your peace away when he sees that you're living in the present grateful. He wants to make you anxious about your future, but resist. Tell him to go sit down somewhere and journal away with what God has done for you. 

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6 

2. Get to know him better. 

Our anxiety may have something to do with a lack of intimacy with Jesus. Maybe your relationship with Jesus is flourishing right now but you still feel anxious sometimes. That's okay. Jesus isn't asking us to walk in 110% faith everyday, he knows we doubt within the moment. (hints: peter.) But he also wants to teach us how to rest and allow this season to help you get to know him more. 

My relationship with Jesus has grown so much because I didn't know what else to do with this season but to turn to the one who knew more about it than me. When you're anxious about what's next, it's the best time to pursue Jesus like never before. He creates the space for you to get to know who he is. When all is lost and possibilities are exhausted, he's standing right there waiting for you to turn to him. 

I can hear him saying "Coooommme on, I know you're tired. I've been watching you strive and wear yourself out trying to figure out what I am doing. But come sit with me awhile and rest. I got you." 

Jesus is so sweet. He cares about you and doesn't intend on leading you down any wrong paths nor failing you. That next season will be so beautiful because of the growth you decided to take upon in this season of waiting. Just think, this next time around, you're more closer to Christ than ever. You'll be more strengthen to endure and persevere, and you'll always have the testimonies behind what you're currently going through. Today, surrender your need to know and be encouraged that the one who created you is SURE about your future.

SCRIPTURES FOR ANXIETY:

"When doubts filled my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer." Psalm 94:19

"Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:6-7

"Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up." Proverbs 12:25

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." John 14:27

Prayer: 

Heavenly Father, 
We thank you that you know our beginning to end. Help us to surrender our need to know what's next. We are tired and always wondering but help us to never lose sight of who you are. Let us dwell in your presence, remembering what you've done and how far you've brought us. We love how you consistently sit with us in this dry place, but living water is forever present. Living water has the power to change any situation and give us peace no matter where we are. Thank you that you're always working for our best and let us remember that we we're going through is to prepare us for what you have next. Thank you for everything.

 In Jesus Name' Amen 

To the woman who feels... Part 2

TIRED. 

Lord, what is happening right now? I'm so tired.

It seems like every time I'm in a good space with my peace

Something comes and hits me from another direction 

Why does it seem like I keep getting attacked over and over again?

Did you leave me here to fight every single battle by myself?

I know you're my strength when I am weak

But it feels like a setup to be defeated

But wait...

I suddenly remember that song "Surrounded" by Michael W Smith

As the lyrics "It may look like I'm surrounded but I'm surrounded by you" spoke to my soul

I heard your still small voice say "get up again" 

Every time I've felt weak and tired, I would feel his comforting presence and hear his sweet whisper of  "Keep enduring Daughter. It's only for a little while" I would shake my head with tears streaming down my face. "I don't know Lord, I'm doing my best to keep pushing." I would imagine Christ standing next to me with his hand on my shoulder telling me to take a deep breath and rest in the "be still and know I am God". It's exhausting just thinking of what is wearing you out. 

"Father, I feel overworked at my job. Things keep changing and it's getting annoying, it seems like there are some unrealistic expectations being made and I am doing my best."

"Am I being obedient enough? I don't want to stress myself out but I just want to know how I'm doing. I know you said that your love & salvation isn't earned, it's freely given, but sometimes I feel myself working to impress you." 

"Lord, what's going on with this credit card, it seems like I've been doubled charged for an uber.  *signs* I have to call and make sure these transactions are correct. See Lord? It seems like i'm being attacked left from right."

I believe God has tons of jars for every single tear I've shed in this season.You have to bear through the weight of tests and trials, make sure you learn from them, keep growing, stay obedient, and on top of that, you have to endure through little attacks you know the enemy is trying to use to distract you from the real battles that are worth our energy in defeating. "Lord, this is too much. I need a break." But as soon as my rant is over, Jesus kindly reminds me....

"So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold, though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world." 1 Peter 1:6-7 NLT

"Jesus you're the one that we hope for. And when you tell me to count it all joy, it can be very hard to do because my mind sometimes is always fixed on the circumstance at hands instead of the eternal promise of knowing that this too shall pass." 

Our weariness is normal, Christ knows we're tired. He got tired. (I Recommend you watch this incredible sermon by Steven Furtick "Tired on the Inside") We get tired of the same cycles, certain environments, lack of political change, the lynching of black lives, nagging bosses, social media trolls, COVID-19, our own addictions and habits, and countless of things that you may feel tired to even express. Let's breathe and rest. Close your eyes. Imagine Christ's hand on your shoulder. 

When I read 1 Peter 1:6-7, Jesus helped me to see that at the end of the day, we always had the victory. Currently, I've been experiencing some heavy refining and there have been days when tears were words. I would feel the weight of the test and or trial, I would deal with trying not to respond to what's negatively being poured out at me. I would endure and endure and sit feeling empty. Feeling like strength left my entire body. "Lord, if I had the choice, I would want you to come and pick me up a little earlier. I would rather be with you than to put up with this." Every time I said that, he knew I was speaking from a place of wanting to give up and stop trying. His heart was warmed for just wanting to be with him, but he also reassured me that it is not time yet. He still has so much he wants to do through me before he returns. 

When we're tired, its tempting to look at what God has blessing us with and all of sudden treat it like it's a curse. The job God blessed me with started getting on my nerves, I felt it was time to move on in my life, so I stopped sowing into that place. I was just tired, letting my timing speak for itself. But I had to get out of myself and ask Jesus where was he. Obviously he's still at the same place with me at this current job. Therefore, I need to surrender my moodiness to believe I'm so ready to move on and stay faithful with where I am. 

Another reason why I felt so tired was because I was working myself up to the approval of God. Listen, if you believe that you can earn God's love through your works. You're missing the point of his grace. He isn't checking for you to work for his love. His salvation was given freely. He loves you no matter what. I was wearing myself out thinking I needed to be doing something in order to let God know that I loved him and that I wanted to be loved in return. Nothing can separate you from the love of Christ. (Romans 8:38) "So breathe and rest. Close your eyes. Imagine Christ's hand on your shoulder."

When we're tired, it may seem like God isn't listening, but he is. I believe that it is he that turns the fire up a notch because there's something he placed down on the inside of you that he's birthing out. You're in such a refining season, so everything around you and within seems tiring. Test and trials come suddenly, and you feel like you have to defeat the fight by yourself, as if God pushed you out on the battlefield to make a fool of yourself. God doesn't do that. Most of the battles that wear us out are the ones that we're trying to fight that belong to him.

When we're tired, the Lord wants to teach us to cling to him. We're use to running for strength in other places and or people. He wants to be the ultimate source of strength. He gives strength to the weary. He gives rest to the weary. Let's breathe and rest. Close your eyes. Imagine Christ's hand on your shoulder. 

 

Notice I kept repeating "Let's breathe and rest. Close your eyes. Imagine Christ's hand on your shoulder." because it's an amazing holy imagination that takes your eyes off of what is weighting you down and onto your savior. What you're enduring through is only for a little while sis. Take the pressure off of yourself to feel like you have to throw at least one more punch, when the Lord is standing right next to you fighting that battle. There are some battles Jesus equips us for, but there are also battles that belong to the Lord. He's already won. You've already won. You've had the victory sense before you were in your Mother's womb. Rest in his presence.

We're all tired from something so spend quiet time asking yourself honest questions.

Get to the bottom of what's making you tired. 

It can be personal.

 It could relate to what's going on in this world. 

Either way, Jesus cares and understands. He just wants to hear from you. 

He desires to give strength to the weary. 

1. What's weighting on your heart in this season? 

2. What have you allowed to stress you out and make you feel tired? 

3. What has God blessed you with that you're tempted to treat as a curse? 

Scriptures for the weary and tired: 

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." | Matthew 11:28-29

I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint. | Jeremiah 31:25

"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.” Isaiah 40:29

"For who is God besides The Lord? And who is the Rock except our God? It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure." Psalm 18:31-32

"He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” Psalm 46:10

To the woman who feels.....

INSECURE. 
(Warning: I plan on being transparent.)

"Why do I keep doing this to myself?
If Christ said that I was enough then why don't I feel that within my heart?
What false lie did I believe that made me feel this way?
Who said something that made me feel this way?
What thoughts did I allow to grow in my heart?
What hasn't happened in my life that could be the reason why I feel this way? 
Why do I keep doing this to myself? 
I can't stop thinking about how much I feel inadequate
I need to stop, that's not healthy. 
God says i'm enough, but why don't I still feel that in my heart?
Maybe I know why. 
Maybe I don't.
Maybe I don't want to face the truth.
Maybe I'm afraid to go through the process.
If God again keeps telling me i'm enough, what is my problem with believing it?


 Did you know that the biggest attack we will face daily is insecurity?

And if you knew.... Did you take the time to deal with it? Let's face it. We don't like to get to the root of our insecurities sometimes, we just feel and keep it moving. We say we will deal with them later but somehow you feel the Lord nudging you about them. He cares. And wants you to care enough too.

As women, we feel more than we know, and insecure is the main one. Maybe you don't think so, but you and I both know you felt uneasy at some point about YOU. See, YOU makes the difference that somebody needs in this world, so of course the biggest attack we face daily will always be insecurity.

The most sensitive area of my life is where most of my insecurities rooted from and that is romantic relationships. I'm a 25 year old Single Christian Woman who has never dated nor been in a relationship before. 

"Lord, is there something wrong with me?"

 "Am I not enough or am I too much?"

"What do I need to change about myself so that I can be what somebody wants?" 

"Am I not attractive?"  

"I'm looking in the mirror, double checking to make sure I even look good." 

"Does my body even look desirable? I don't have the so called "bad chick" look."

"He's probably going to think I look like a little girl." 

I will not sit here and write this post without being transparent. I actually had these thoughts. 

I looked at myself as the problem instead of a promise. I questioned my value instead of stewarding over it. I overlooked the blessing of God's protection instead of praising him for it. I made myself feel less than by my choice of thought. I chose to believe I wasn't enough. I chose to believe that I was the lack of the provision. Oh, what thoughts that make you feel insecure. 

God's word is pretty clear about what he says about you. He doesn't look at you in any way a human would. He sees exactly what he created. He didn't create you to be an option in somebody's cart to possibly buy later. He bought you already and has no intentions on putting you back on the market. 

I was that woman who just didn't feel enough. The thought of being single drove me insane. "Lord, Could you have let me at least have some dating experiences? All I was asking for was for God to let me date so that I could cure an insecurity. "If I could just...."  Just what? The desire to relate was feeding into my insecurities. How deceitful to believe that a man pursuing would make me finally believe that I was attractive and worthy. 

I knew I was indeed Christ's Masterpiece. I knew I was chosen and loved. But I didn't feel it. See, here's the thing about "feelings" Feelings are never wise to follow. Feelings can change throughout your day. So if feelings are unstable than why would we be led by them? 

Christ is sure of his Word and sometimes you won't feel what he says to you right away, but it will always be true of you. When you're use to speaking against that truth, you have to give it time to grow. It was hard for me to believe that nothing was wrong with me because I was use to telling myself that it was. What you rehearse becomes your song. 

Maybe you've rehearsed loneliness and unworthiness. That sad tune needs to be given back to Christ, and in him let the process of your healing begin. There is a such thing as healing from insecurities.

"I can't keep doing this to myself. 

I can't talk like this anymore.

My worth is found in Christ.

He is all that I need.

He is the only man I know that doesn't waver in thought about me.

He is my comfort and my life support.

He is my friend. 

I am beautiful. 

I am worth the wait.

I will not be defined by culture and its impatience.   

Sis, I still struggle sometimes, but the more I rehearse his Word over my life, the more it takes roots over all the insecurities I use to speak over myself. I have to let go. I have to surrender. I have to believe that God does have the best for my life and knows exactly what he is doing.

"I can't keep doing this to myself."

As you can see, "I can't keep doing this to myself' is repeated. 

We as woman sometimes have a bad habit of the way we talk and or treat ourselves. 

There is a root to everything we may feel insecure about. For this first exercise I want you to identity the root of your insecurity. You may have multiple, which is okay to confess. You can identity each one of them to keep from growing too deep within your heart.

1. How do you feel about you? 

2. What makes us women feel insecure at times? 

3. Has society made you feel insecure? 

4. Did something happen or did someone say anything to you that made you feel insecure?


Be okay with your honesty. God can handle it so allow yourself to be brave enough to handle it too.
You open up wounds to the right healer and his name is Jesus Christ.

Scriptures of TRUTH to cure your insecurities: 

You're his ambassador. 

"So we are Christ’s ambassadors; God is making his appeal through us. We speak for Christ when we plead, “Come back to God!” | 2 Corinthians 5:20 

You're his masterpiece. 

"For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." | Ephesians 2:10 

You're chosen. 

"You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you." | John 15:16

"But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light." | 1 Peter 2:9 

“You are my witnesses,” declares the Lord, “and my servant whom I have chosen, that you may know and believe me and understand that I am he. Before me no god was formed, nor shall there be any after me. | Isaiah 43:10 

You're loved. 

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life." |  John 3:16 

You're beautiful. 

"I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well." | Psalms 139:14

What happens when you understand the wait but you still have difficulties waiting?

As a believer, God wants us to be sure of his promises for our lives and to believe him for them. But there's one thing that believers struggle to understand most of the time and that's........how to wait. 

Waiting is not the easiest thing to do, especially for a believer in Jesus. ....."It seems like we have to do all this waiting God, what's the fun in this?!" We'll easily get off track with the more complaining we do and the impatient spirit we'll carry if we don't ask Jesus to change our perspective in the wait. 

But what if you did allow him to do that but you still have difficulties waiting? 

So let's talk real. Let's talk raw. Let's be honest.

Just like you may be, I am walking through this season of waiting on the things God has specifically promised me and has it been easy? Of course not. I've had moments of doubting, assuming maybe I heard God wrong, scared that maybe I was just dreaming again. My emotions running wild. It got to the point where I asked the Lord, "Is this you or me? Give me your wisdom." Of course God is faithful, and he did give me his wisdom, and in fact reassured me that what I heard was indeed from him. I was so encouraged. He even gave me some understandings of my current circumstances and about myself that encourage me to understand the wait for what he spoke.

Until one day I utter these words.....

..."Lord, help me keep pushing. I'm growing tired. I keep trying to disqualify myself from your promises because I can't see myself the way you see me. I feel forgotten. And even though I understand the wait is significant, it's hard to even cope sometimes. Give me a fresh wind. Encourage my spirit again. Give me the strength. 

Keep my eyes from worthless things that only amplifies the opposite of waiting for you. I will continue to trust in you, but come and change my perspective again." 


Now how did it go from being sure and encouraged of the wait to that?! Somehow, someway, I lost perspective and got tired. It just seemed like there was always delays happening in my life. I know! I know! I know! I know I need to focus on my relationship with you Lord, continue to develop, and be faithful with the season you have me in but I can't help but to feel annoyed by this process.

What happens when your contentment is running a bit dry in your current season?
What happens when you just can't help but to be honest and say Lord.."I'm tired?" 

Do you too feel this way? Do you too ask questions about your waiting season? Do you need Jesus to help change your perspective again and or for the first time? 

My thousands of "what happens" questions was simply answered: "GREATER INTIMACY" 

Your difficulties waiting produces greater intimacy with Jesus because it creates a space for you and your relationship with him to develop beyond where it is. That's why it's all about perspective in how to deal with your difficulties because of what it will potentially do to your faith. It will either grow your faith or hinder it. So the complaints, confusions, frustrations, weariness, and or whatever you feel has a divine purpose for your greater intimacy with him.

Let me explain further....

1. Be honest. 

Jesus knew that the wait would be challenging for you, that's why he's never annoyed when you want to walk and believe in faith but you struggle a bit to do that. For me, I knew I had a tough time being honest with him. I never wanted Jesus to know how I really felt (as if I could ever hide anything from him) because I assumed he would think I didn't believe him for what he said. 

Listen... Jesus knows that you believe him, but also knew the walk behind it. He never expected any of us to step into this thing 110% in faith, he meant for our faith walk to be a journey. (notice the characters in the bible all had a faith journey. Some doubted. Some feared. Some needed their perspective changed too.) He knows we need to grow in faith, and the Holy Spirit is amazing because he is willing to help you walk through your unbelief. He will help you believe and trust him. (How encouraging can that get?!) Which means the pressure that you put on yourself is only the enemy making you believe that God is upset with you for not believing him as you think you don't. So he keeps you from being open about how you feel in this waiting. 

Honesty has always been important to Jesus, because it shows humility. It reassures yourself that you need Jesus. That's why it's okay to express yourself as Jesus desires for you to do it more frequently. Whoever told you that you couldn't be honest before our Lord, we rebuke that now. Your emotions matter to him. He never said you couldn't feel. He just knows that he has the wisdom and answers to keep you walking in this season. Your faith is developing and through your honesty, that produces greater intimacy with Jesus. You'll grow into being more comfortable with expressing yourself to him once you keep opening up to him in practice. Cry out to him, tell him you're tired, but be willing to also receive his peace that surpasses your understanding because although you want to let it out, let him fill back in your heart. You will always need it.

So be encouraged to know that Jesus isn't annoyed by your honesty, he's actually quite honored because that's one of his greatest desires of you. He longs to hear you speak to him about what he already knew. 

2. Allow yourself to be weak.

I can't tell you how many times I would pretend I wasn't weak. Listen, All it will do is make things worse and potentially stray you in a different direction than the one God has you on because you haven't invited Jesus in your weakness. One day I boldly said...."Jesus, I normally don't allow myself to be weak, but today I am. Please come into my weakness. I am feeling a little weary today." You don't know how attractive that it to God. (per Michael Todd who preached this wonderful sermon about learning how to be weak.) God loves us too much to keep seeing his children walk around and pretend to be strong when we're barely holding on. The wait can be one of the most enduring seasons, but the Lord's strength always keeps us putting one foot in front of the other. When it comes to weakness, know that that also creates a space for greater intimacy with Jesus. He wants us to come to him when we're weary as he promises to give us rest. (Matthew 11:28)

Your weakness toward your journey and seeing things the way Jesus has showed you is normal. You aren't alone. I can testify and say that my perspective has been attacked constantly since hearing God speak specifically in my life. I feel like I have double the insecurities then I didn't think I had before because what he spoke is beyond me. What God will speak to you will be beyond you. So don't be surprise if all of sudden you feel weak and insecure in this season. 

Does the Lord want you to sit in your weakness for too long? Of course not. But he does want you to acknowledge that you are weak. He gives us the moment to sit with him in our weakness, but we just don't know how to or do we ever really want to. We don't like to sit in what we think isn't going to do much. But it will do the most when God is invited to sit with you. You'll get your strength from him. You'll feel his presence. He'll give you hope again. Just.... "Where are you?!" Jesus wants to set the time to sit quietly with you and he'll ask to bring your weakness too. 

......

This entire journey will teach you so much. It will grow you in so many ways, and when it comes to your difficulties (as I too do have) it makes your testimony more glorifying to the Lord; because our lives were meant to glorify the Father. You very well know the difficulties you face on a daily basis, and asking myself "What happens when you understand the wait but you still have difficulties waiting?" was healing for me. Because I knew I was heard by the Lord. I knew he wanted to get me in this space to where I was the most vulnerable to express myself the deepest. 

It helps me to see the beauty of this Faith Journey; that there will be ups and downs but there will always be the same God standing right there too. So "What Happens?!" Your faith grows. Your identity reaffirmed in Christ. Your character will be developed. Your perspective will be clear. 

Jesus will help you in your time of difficulties waiting on him. As I speak to myself too, believe that this wait is purposeful. God's getting you prepare for what you would have never imagined. He has great plans. So keep going. You got this. Remember to be honest and allow yourself to be weak in his presence when you have those moments of feeling the weight of the wait. 

Take on this:

ARCHOR SCRIPTURE: 

"So now wrap your hearts tightly around the hope that lives within us, knowing that God always keeps his promises!."  Hebrews 10:23 TPT

Love Letter to Jesus

Dear Jesus,

“I love you, and when I can’t seem to understand anything that’s happening right now, help me to still express my love for you because you’re still good. Thank you for standing with me in the storm. Thank you for always encouraging my faith when I’m growing weary. Thank you for always believing in me. You’re the reason I’m still here. You’re the reason why I have life. You’re the reason why I’ll still keep going when it’s the hardest to. Continue to change my perspective in what I’m waiting and believing you for, and help me to never forget what you said. Teach me to trust in you deeper. Teach me to walk with you step by step, never to get ahead of you.

I love you because you’re the only one that gets me, you understand all there is to know about me and still have chosen me for such a time as this. What can I do for you? How can I better represent you? I want to take myself out of the equation for a moment, because the more I continue to focus on myself and my circumstances, I’m missing the point of your delighting in your beauty. 

Jesus, you’re beautiful. You’re the greatest best friend and I know you know what’s best for me. So why can’t my heart be at ease? Why do I always double check with what I know you’ll do for me, as if you’ve forgotten? You don’t forget anything. You hear every prayer. You collect all of my  tears. You pray earnestly for me. I matter so much to you. So what better way than to express my love back. Sometimes, I can’t find the words to say, and most times I press into expressing my love when I don’t feel like it because you’re worth it. Forever you reign. Forever you’re the friend that I can always count on. Thank you for everything you’ve done and will continue to do for me.”

Love,
Desjané

Now it’s your turn. Don’t overthink. Pour out your heart to Jesus.

Sometimes we can put a formula in our expression for Jesus, but he never asked it to be so routined, he just wants pure honesty from the heart. He knows what you daily go through, and still he is worthy of such love expression.

I  know you’re thinking most about your circumstances, brokenness, and anything else that has kept you from praising Jesus even though, but I believe writing love letters to Jesus will connect our heart to his on a deeper level and I believe that it is within your letters to him, that whatever you felt was left out and empty, Jesus can refill. He will show up for you every time.

For me, I have such an imagination that’s broad. It’s a blessing and sometimes can be a curse. But I had to learn how to surrender my imagination to Jesus, because when I do, I see myself sitting with him, and him wrapping his arm around me in the midst of my brokenness, confusion, and needing his strength. I see us laughing and talking. I see us enjoying each other’s company. Because he put that image there, and that’s what inspired me to start writing love letters to him because he reads them and I imagine him reading them.

Jesus loves you where you are. He didn’t ask you to set a date where you show up perfect.
He didn’t ask you to overthink what you write in your letter to him. He just loves you on how you express yourself to him. He just wants to hear your voice and poetic ways that’s all directed to him.

Let us not allow what we go through to interfere with your intimacy with Jesus. By faith, write that letter to Jesus anyway. 

Let’s make it a habit to write to Jesus even though.
We all have moments of not wanting to be real with Jesus, because some days I’m just tired. I’m annoyed. I’m not in the mood. I respond out of my emotions. I don’t feel like being bothered or even saying Thank you to Jesus sometimes because ultimately it was because of something that just didn’t happen the way I wanted it to or because my circumstances got my attention more than Jesus. There are a lot of things that are happening that suck and hard to even see a way through. But when I press to still love on Jesus, I know that he’ll see me through. I know that he’ll encourage me. I know that he’ll give me wisdom because he’s always been there.

So go write that letter to Jesus, sit quietly, listen for his voice, and enjoy it. If it’s going to be new for you, don’t stress or rely on the feelings of “I don’t feel anything yet” because those feelings can eventually discourage you, but also remember that those feelings are just feelings. So that means your feelings change every time. Focus in on how Jesus will meet you. Get creative with it. And I guarantee you that you’ll get use to how you write to him and spend time.

When you’re sad, write to Jesus. When you’re mad, write to Jesus. When you’re happy, write to Jesus. Whatever state you’re in, always remember that Jesus can handle it. He just wants to hear from you. Write on love.

Remind me again Lord...

I believe that when you're the most vulnerable, transparent, and open about how you feel; there is a greater intimacy that takes place in the presence of God. Because he cares about us so intimately, he wants even our most insecure thoughts to be presented to him without question. He knows when we struggle to see ourselves the way he does and knows when we're weak with just trying to study the Word of God again about what he says.

Have you ever been so confident about who God says you are but somehow on a random moment of the day, it seems that confidence starts to wear off? All of a sudden you start feeling the opposite of what God just said to you. 

I have admitted to the Lord that sometimes I struggle with reminding myself of who he says I am, and that I'm a little weak mentally when it comes to taking in on other things verses reading the Word. I know I need to be reading the word, but instead I'm focused on everything else that can eventually leave the door open for Satan to say anything and I'll believe it.

In this season, God begin speaking to me in regards to my future. He begin to show snippets of what's to come and there are things that God got specific about that blew my mind. I couldn't believe some of the stuff that he was revealing. But it was in the reveal, that he begin to expose the insecurities I didn't even know I had. Countless of "how's" "but's" and childhood memories of being told I look like a baby all my life, or being too short, spoke louder than what God just said. When he started speaking in regards to believing him for that future spouse, all I could think about was "Will somebody think i'm his little sister?" "Or am I even this or that?

The #1 question us believers have is "Am I enough?" And I feel like the Lord chuckles because he's used to this familiar place with his children. And I believe he purposely speaks to us a little about our destiny so that we can deal with those roots of lies we've been carrying for too long. He knows that insecurity you've had for years can't go into the promise land. He knows that fear you've had would continue to hinder the greater God does have for you.

Trust me, I've had my moments of wondering how and why God even thought of me as such. (let's keep it real.) We all are aware that God has bigger and more for our lives, and when he really starts to speak and share secrets from heaven about us, we get a little timid, wondering how in the heck does God see me as this. He's obviously the God that sees beyond what we can see. So that's why he wants us to invite him again into those thoughts of feeling insignificant, unworthy, and not enough. Because he knows that he is the only one that can uproot what makes us feel the way we do and replace it with his truth.

Remind me again Lord.... 

...."I'm struggling to see myself as the woman that you've created me to be among the nations for your glory, the wife that will be the best helpmeet that she can be for her husband, the woman who you say doesn't have to put extra touches to herself because you told her that she was your masterpiece."

..."I'm struggling to accept that I am enough, I always feel like I need to do something extra to prove a point or make an appeal just so people can notice that I too, matter. So remind me again Lord... Remind me that you're my good, good father who created such an original that will never be duplicated. Keep my heart and mind on your word when I'm tempted to think otherwise about myself. Keep me near you when I'm second guessing my purpose." 

Jesus is faithful with reminding you of who you are. 

I remember praying in my quiet time and the Lord gave me this vision of him uprooting dead roots from the ground. And he said that for 2020, I'm getting ready to uproot any bad fruits and dead weeds that have been living within my children for too long, but they must first acknowledge that they have them and let me work the rest out. 

God is a gentleman, and he sees what needs work but he can never start the work unless we invite him in to do it. He cares so much that he will continue to poke at that insecurity, that fear, worry, whatever it may be for you, because he is ready to heal it. He is ready to speak life into it. He is ready to plant his good word, so that it may be deeply rooted. He loves you.

So.. Remind me again Lord... 

..."I struggle to wake up and read the Word first thing in the morning, and that's what causes my identity to be vulnerable to receive anything. You don't want that for me. Let your word softly mend my heart and transform every insecurity I've ever carried."

As it is now 2020, 

I believe that God is about to do some amazing, mind-blowing things this year and it takes his children's attentiveness, yielded soul, and obedience for God to reeaaallly do some mind-blowing stuff that he already had planned. But it also takes us to be humble and just say..."Remind me again Lord..." because we must know who we are walking into this year confidently. Everyday, ASK HIM. It's okay to do that. It's okay to feel unsure and go back running to the Father. He wants that. He loves that because he knows what he is going to do what that which is weaken, because it is by his strength we're more than a conquerer. He gets the greater glory so let's let him get that.

So my encouragement to you on this 1st day of the new decade is walk with the Lord in your "Remind me again Lord..." moments. Those times will be the most intimate times that will help you build a deeper and closer relationship with the Lord.  

HAPPY NEW YEAR BEAUTIFUL!!! #2020

GOD IS FAITHFUL BECAUSE DAILY HE WILL REMIND YOU AGAIN OF WHO HE SAYS YOU ARE TO SUSTAIN YOU FOR THIS ENTIRE YEAR AND FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!

For I am Completely Open.

It's the hard thing such as being "OPEN" that will produce greater intimacy.  

When you willingly allow yourself to be completely open to God, you give him full access.

You expose insecurities, concerns, issues, sins, fears. The very existence of who you are; as you present yourself to your very own creator who delights into what he already knows about you. 

When open, you give him room to teach you how to confront your insecurities, fears, and any other goliaths. He shows the warrior inside of you. He wants a deeper connection to help expose rotten fruits. 

How open are we now with God?

Let's fact it, it's difficult. There are a few obstacles we must overcome. 

What may be some of the reasons we have a hard time being completely open before God? 

1. Our willingness to clean up before we answer his knock.  

"Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends." Revelations 3:20 

Our first impression of knowing God wants to intimately be apart of our lives is trying to make sure we're clean before he comes knocking. Jesus wants to make his home in our hearts."But it's dirty God?" We want to make sure that we are prepared, and little do we realize its our stress within the preparation that makes us not even want to meet with him at all. We think too much of our issues and or sins and assume we have to clean the mess in order for Christ to even deal with us. See, the purpose of him wanting to make a home in your heart is for the very purpose of being the only one that wants to clean it up. Jesus will sit right in the middle of your mess. But you must be open to allow him to sit there. 

He says, "You don't have to feel responsible for your mess because i've already taken care of that. I just want to sit with you, regardless of what's in the way of me sitting on your couch. I WILL move it out the way so that our time isn't interrupted.  Let's still sit and talk. I just desire for you to be open with me. But that's if you let me in." 

"God is a gentleman. He's not going to invade your life, you're going to have to let him in." - 

Michael Todd 

We have to let Christ in completely because in doing so, we give him access to areas that are broken and needs the most work. I can remember purposely not answering the knock on my heart because I just didn't feel ready. I didn't think that I could speak to him at a time like that because I was still living in my habitual sin. Those sins kept me out of his presence, and every time he knocked. I would play it off as if he wasn't there. And Jesus still wouldn't leave because of his unconditional love and knowing what I needed. I think it makes Jesus laugh when we scramble all over the place, trying to throw things behind the couch, under the bed, and anywhere else just to make it seem like we were clean in the first place. He chuckles at the thought of his children trying to doing so much on their own because he just cares so darn much to help. 

God knocks because he cares. If there's an issue with one of his children, he'll make it his business to see what's wrong. Sure, you may be thinking.. "God knows what I am already going through, there isn't a reason to talk about it." But it is when you do talk about it with him, that something supernaturally intervenes and becomes the hope that you've been looking for. It's being open and direct about the matters of your heart with him that produces that greater intimacy.

I remember being on my way to work when the Lord spoke to me and said, "I'm available to you 24 hours a day, if you want to talk to me about the sun. Let's talk about the sun. If you want to talk to me about this bus ride, that's about the make you miss your next bus. We can talk about that. It's the little conversations that still matters to me too and it's within those little conversations that you will begin to believe more that I stay with you and do delight in your conversations with me." 

God never meant for our relationship with him to be complicated. Its relationship when you speak about anything, and you know your heart is directed to him. Think about how he delights in that? Sometimes things can be practical such as making it your business to invite the Holy Spirit with you everywhere you go, every morning. When we acknowledge the Holy Spirit and allow him to have access to everywhere we go, we are making more room for the more personal stuff he wants to get access to. 

Think of your bestfriend.. What's your energy like when you speak to her/him? Doesn't it give you joy when you are able to just pour your heart out to your bestfriend? And why do you pour your heart out to your bestfriend? Because you believe that you can tell your bestfriend anything right? Because you trust your bestfriend with the information you will share? 

That same amount of energy you give to your bestfriend is the same energy Jesus would love to have. I got convicted by writing that because I love my bestfriend and I would tell her anything, but I also thought about the openness I wanted to share with Christ. In my mind I would go "I really want to give Jesus that same energy!!." And weeks leading up to this blog post, God has been dealing with the matters of my heart and have been teaching me how to be open with him. He said to me, "Don't be afraid to open up to me about anything. I'm not like human beings, who will speak badly about or against you after you've spent that moment being vulnerable." 

2. Our Vulnerability being abused. 

Have you've been vulnerable enough to people that somehow abused it? And you've harden your heart? You don't feel comfortable speaking about anything in your life anymore because you are scared someone is going to use it against you?

I understand your heart when I touch on this subject because I am such a vulnerable person. I would speak about the things that are going on in my life and feel too opened in the end because of those feelings of "being misunderstood" I felt like I opened up to the wrong people then, but God gave me wisdom to know that you won't always open up to everyone nor try to get anybody to understand you. They will understand you on the level they choose to perceive. What God is more concerned about is your level of openness with him. When you shut out your vulnerability, you didn't notice you shut it out from God. He wanted to be the one you poured your heart out to daily. Granted, God will place the right people in your life that will sincerely care for you and you will be able to speak with them about what's going on. But making sure that you are just as open with him is the most important. 

Again, it's the hard thing such as being open, that will produce greater intimacy.

It's hard being completely open to God. We don't know how nor do we think about it. But always remember that the greater depth of intimacy with God is complete honesty.  Be honest with God in telling him that you just can't seem to be as open as you desire me to be. Speak directly from that place of what will embarrass you to say and know that God is not embarrassed by your honesty, he's flattered. Honestly is the first key to that greater intimacy. It's making the first step that adds to a greater journey. It's running to him that makes the difference from when you were use to running to that friend or family member. 

It's allowing your heart to be humbled before the Lord and giving him the chance to pour in truth to you so that your trust is solely in him. 

The fact that our lives is completely known by God, there is nothing we could possibly keep from him. Therefore, Let us welcome him back into our business. Welcome him back into the deepest parts of ourselves that we've enclosed from him. Let's welcome him back to everything. 

Dear Lord,

Help us to be completely open to you. Your unconditional love is what keeps us going. We've got a friend in you. Your complete loyalty and support keeps us in your presence that we never get tired of sharing every moment with you. I pray that we open ourselves like we've never done before. Get in the areas that we've shut off from you and help us to trust you. Help us to know that you listen and you care. You don't take anything we say to you and run with it. You hold that dear to your heart and you take care of it. You remind us that we are your children and that you will never leave us. Help us to see intimacy with you on a greater level, and to remember that even the small things matter to you. You never miss a moment and you never want us to miss one too. 

In Jesus Name' Amen 

"Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God's love and keep you strong." Ephesians 3:17